A GOOD GROUP
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…and yes I said yes I will Yes.

6/16/2022

 
When Fran proposed to me on my 29th birthday (May 18th), I knew immediately that I wanted to elope less than 30 days later on June 16th: Bloomsday.

We took a course on Ulysses together at George Mason University and had fond memories visiting the historical sites associated with the novel during trips to Dublin in 1999 and 2000.

I’ve got to write more about the other ways I’ve incorporated James Joyce into my personal life, most importantly in the naming of my children!

No one to please and nothing to prove.

6/14/2022

 
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Here’s my new mantra to calm some of the anxiety I experience before interviews:
“I have no one to please and nothing to prove. I don’t even know if I want this job yet!”

I found this quote after googling “I hate interviews will i ever get a job”. Seriously.

The article, which includes tips on overcoming interview anxiety, stated the obvious:

“A job interview is a very artificial situation.“

Perhaps the key to improving the interviewing process is taking steps to encourage a more authentic conversation rather than to have a static test.

Having endured nearly 100 interviews over the past year, I know that the best ones happen when the script is ditched and real personalities are revealed.

I strongly believe that if you have a set list of questions you want to ask prospective employees during an interview then include that as part of the application process.

Requiring applicants to answer specific questions when submitting a resume helps both you and the applicant by weeding out those who are blinding submitting generic cover letters to dozens of employers (full disclosure, I’ve been guilty of this!).

It’s immeasurably helpful for me to understand exactly what a company wants when they put the extra effort into creating a more equitable process for hiring. I’ve written about this before, but it bears repeating.

I plan to examine more lessons learned from my own experiences, but in the meantime, here are some useful resources I’ve found online.

​Just tell candidates what you’re going to ask ahead of time.
It's time to make transparent interviews the new normal.
​
TIPS ON OVERCOMING INTERVIEW ANXIETY
  1. Prepare for your interview thoroughly
  2. Practice your answers
  3. Picture your success
  4. Eliminate variables
  5. Eat well and exercise
  6. Lower your stress levels
  7. Increase your confidence
  8. Take deep breaths
  9. Pay attention
  10. Ask questions
  11. Think before responding
  12. Accept the outcome

INTERVIEW QUESTIONS TO ASK EMPLOYERS
  • Why is this position open?
  • What kind of performance benchmarks do you look for?
  • What metrics of success will you use to evaluate my performance?
  • What is the company culture like?
  • What does your company do for team building or fun?
  • What are the biggest opportunities in the company right now?
  • What are the biggest challenges facing the company right now?
  • What does the career path look like for someone in this role?
  • Do you provide professional development opportunities?
  • What is the company’s management style?
  • What is the best part of working for the company?
  • What is different about working here than anywhere else?
  • How has your role changed since you have been here?
  • What traits do I need to succeed in this position?
  • What other departments will I most closely work with?
  • What are the next steps in the interview process?
​
  • WHAT MAKES IT A GREAT DAY AND WHAT MAKES IT A CHALLENGING DAY AT WORK?
  • WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU PROMOTED SOMEONE WITHIN YOUR TEAM, AND WHY?
  • WHAT ARE SOME OF THE CHALLENGES YOU EXPECT THE PERSON IN THIS POSITION TO FACE?
  • HOW ARE CRITICISM AND FEEDBACK HANDLED WITHIN THE TEAM?
  • WHAT IS THE MAIN REASON EMPLOYEES STAY AT OR LEAVE THIS COMPANY?
  • WHAT’S THE COMPANY’S APPROACH TO SUPPORTING WORK-LIFE BALANCE, AND WHAT ARE SOME RECENT INITIATIVES YOU’VE PUT IN PLACE RELATED TO THE PANDEMIC?
  • DO YOU HAVE ANY HESITANCY IN HIRING ME?

Refriending or Walking Away

5/27/2022

 
"Conflict is an opening to recalibrate and improve a friendship, and it conveys mutual investment. Don't give up on friendships because one issue has arisen."
​
Marisa Franco, a psychologist and friendship expert based in Washington, DC

I've been thinking a lot about friendship: what makes it lasting and what leads to it ending. The running community has lost amazing people over the years. Some I knew (Dave Murphy) and others were before my time (Bruce Barnes) but I still feel a connection. Having met some amazing people through running, I'm so grateful for all the connections and experiences even if not all of those relationship are currently active. 

Recently I came across a great article, "
How to end a friendship: Should you address it directly, or simply unsubscribe?", that has helped me understand the requirements for a solid friendship and the opportunity to "REFRIEND" those who we've lost touch. 

Anyone who knows me, knows I've experienced huge losses over the past two years. Some were inevitable, others unnecessarily painful. If you see a friend in need, don't just walk away. The smallest gesture of kindness could make all the difference.


"When life feels hard, approaching awkward or painful conversations often falls to the bottom of our to-do lists. But human connection is crucial; it's time to embrace the awkward, be honest, listen and dive in."
Christine Koh,  former music and brain scientist turned author, podcaster, and creative director

According to researcher  and author Lydia Denworth, a good friendship requires three things.
  1. The first is that it be long-lasting. To be friends, individuals have to have put in some time together, creating a relationship that is stable and reliable.
  2. Friendships must also be positive. They must make both participants feel good.
  3. And finally, a friendship requires cooperation and reciprocity. There must be give and take and willingness to help, especially in times of crisis, flowing back and forth.​
Sometimes it is the best decision to walk away from a friendship but having an honest conversation about why, although temporarily uncomfortable, will be far less painful in the long run than blocking or ghosting someone. Here's a playlist that might help get you through being dumped by a friend. 
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Additional Reading

5 ways to repair a friendship (or leave it behind if toxic)
Here are five ways to repair a friendship -- or leave it behind if it's toxic.
1. Reflect and write down the good
2. Choose a different way to communicate
3. Give it time and try again
4. Shuffle the "friendship furniture"
5. Follow the red flags

Survival Of The Friendliest: How Our Close Friendships Help Us Thrive
In her new book, Lydia Denworth makes the case for the vital necessity of friendship, tracing its effects on your genes, on your brain and even on animals like sheep and fish. (NPR)

Review | How people — and animals — are biologically built for friendship
Science shows that social bonds are crucial to well-being, Lydia Denworth writes. (WashingtonPost)

Why Making Friends in Midlife Is So Hard
I thought I was done dating. But after moving across the country, I had to start again—this time, in search of platonic love. (The Atlantic)

Will you be my (work) friend? The new reality of making and keeping a work friend in the hybrid...
It's hard to make friends when you can't share gossip while grabbing a coffee. But you could be happier at work if you make the extra effort. (Fortune)

Plan C

5/6/2022

 
In September 2021, I finally went “public” about my own abortion story via this blog and social media because I knew that with the 3 appointments to the Supreme Court from the last administration the constitutional right to privacy guaranteed almost 50 years ago with Roe vs. Wade would be overturned. 

With the leaked opinion my fears became reality. I wasn’t shocked, I was outraged. When the ruling is officially released, my daughter will be living in a country that no longer believes she has a right to make decisions about her own body and that terrifies me. 

When I learned I was unexpectedly pregnant just days after a missed period I sought a medical abortion (a.k.a. medication abortion, RU-486, or the abortion pill). At the time (1998-1999) it was not officially an option for women because RU-486 hadn’t been approved by the FDA as a method of early medical abortion until September 28, 2000.

A few clinics still offered the medication via off-label use. I was lucky that I lived within driving distance to one of these clinics, that I had a partner who had a car and was willing to help me, and that I had the flexibility with my job to travel to my appointments. 


Over twenty years later, with the advancements in science and medicine, we now live in a time where the safety of the abortion pill has been well-documented and there is access to telemedicine and prescriptions by mail. In 2022, we must ensure that all women in every state have access to the abortion pill to manage their own health care. 

Since medication abortion is more effective early in a pregnancy, it’s a perfect option to help prevent late abortions (12+ weeks) yet Republicans in many states have still tried to limit access to the medication and to require unnecessary in-person visits for women who choose this option.   

We need to empower women to learn the facts about self-managed reproductive care including abortion. Polls show that many Americans don’t know about the abortion pill and this needs to change especially when Roe vs. Wade is overturned. 

Forced childbirth is already a horrifying reality for many women who live in states without access to a clinic or the financial means to travel for healthcare.

As a woman who’s had two children and a medication abortion I can speak about this right to choose from first-hand experience. The toll of pregnancy and labor/delivery on a woman’s mental and physical health can be damaging even when it’s planned. The effects of being required to carry a pregnancy to term against one’s will is something I can’t even imagine enduring. I will do everything I can to help girls and women learn more about how to maintain control over their reproductive lives.

We need compassion, empathy, as well as access to all contraception and medication that gives women control over their own bodies.
Resources
  • AidAccess
  • ​PLAN C: A Guide to Abortion Pills Online
  • ​The Availability and Use of Medication Abortion | KFF
  • Get the Facts About Medication Abortion (Planned Parenthood)
  • Find a Provider
  • AbortionFinder.org
Facts
Medication abortion in 2020 became the mostly commonly used form of abortion for the first time in the U.S. More than half of U.S. abortions are now done with pills, rather than surgery.
​
How effective is the abortion pill?
  • 8 weeks pregnant or less, it works about 94-98 out of 100 times.
  • 8-9 weeks pregnant, it works about 94-96 out of 100 times.
  • 9-10 weeks pregnant, it works about 91-93 out of 100 times.

Legislation
  • 32 states require clinicians who administer medication abortion to be physicians.​
  • 19 states require clinician providing a medication abortion to be physically present when the medication is administered, thereby prohibiting the use of telemedicine.
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On Wednesday, I spoke with PBS Newshour about my abortion story and the impact of overturning Roe vs. Wade for my teenaged daughter. They asked for a photo of me from the period in which I exercised my right to choice.

In the News
  • Demand for abortion pills will soar if Roe v. Wade is overturned, advocates say (WP)
  • Abortion Pills Will Be the Next Battleground in a Post-Roe America (NYT)
  • Next battle on abortion will focus on pills (AP)
  • Everything To Know About The Abortion Pill (Elle)
  • Abortion pill provider sees spike in U.S. interest after SCOTUS leak | Reuters
  • The Science Behind the “Abortion Pill” | Health & Medicine
  • Abortion pills by mail pose challenge for officials in red states (WP)
  • Abortion pills: A post-Roe game changer — and the next battleground
  • Abortion pill startup Hey Jane to seek new VC funds​
  • Abortion Pills, Once a Workaround, Are Now a Target
  • The Pill That Still Hasn’t Changed the Politics of Abortion (2016)
Research
  • Medical Compared With Surgical Abortion for Effective Pregnancy Termination in the First Trimester
  • FDA Response to ACOG April 2021 re: Medical Abortion (by mail dispensing)
  • Questions and Answers on Mifeprex (FDA)
Getting the abortion pill in the mail 
In some states, you can do your visit online (AKA telehealth) and get your abortion pills mailed to you. At this time, only some Planned Parenthood health centers are able to offer telehealth for the abortion pill (where the pills are mailed to you or you pick them up at your local pharmacy). The best way to learn about the services available in your area is to call your nearest Planned Parenthood health center. Below is a list of Planned Parenthood affiliates that currently offer virtual visits for the abortion pill. In order to have the pills mailed to you, you must have an address where you can receive the pills in one of the states listed below:
  • Reproductive Health Services of Planned Parenthood of the St. Louis Region - (IL)
  • Planned Parenthood Keystone - (PA)
  • Planned Parenthood of Metropolitan Washington, DC Inc. (DC, MD, VA)
  • Planned Parenthood of Montana
  • Planned Parenthood League of Massachusetts (MA)
  • Virginia League for Planned Parenthood (VA)
  • Planned Parenthood South Atlantic (VA)
  • Planned Parenthood of the Rocky Mountains (NV, NM, CO)
  • Planned Parenthood Great Northwest, Hawai'i, Alaska, Indiana, Kentucky (WA, HI)
Contact your nearest Planned Parenthood health center to see if this is an option for you.

Humane Rejection Letters: Be Kind, Be Personal

4/26/2022

 
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I think I’ve applied for at least 500 jobs (more than half of those via LinkedIn’s Easy Apply feature which makes it super quick and simple).

Although I don’t keep a record of every single job application, I do have an extensive spreadsheet with data on all of my interviews, including the rejection letters.

Since I’ve turned 50, I’ve had conversations with over 50 companies and the vast majority have sent me generic and impersonal rejection letters, often only after I followed-up asking for an update.

The more templated form letters I receive after interviews, the more I find this to be completely unacceptable and unnecessarily demoralizing.

I’m not a HR expert, but I’m a human being and I know that I share a lot about myself and my experiences in every interview. It would mean so much to me if I would receive a message referencing something positive and unique about our interaction rather than an impersonal template letter.

I strongly believe that if you meet with someone for an hour, especially if it’s more than once, there’s absolutely no excuse for a generic rejection.

I’ve actually received better rejection letters from companies that I never spoke with than I have from places I met on 2-3 separate occasions. In retrospect, I’m grateful that things didn’t work out with companies that aren’t kind in the interviewing process. It’s usually a sign of bigger human resources issues.

I believe the best systems for responding to applicants is to have an automatic email reply to all submissions that explains that they’ll only be contacted again if they are selected for an interview. It never feels good to get a rejection letter weeks or months later from a position. you never interviewed for and you almost forgot you applied.

For example:

Dear [first name],
Thank you for your interest in career opportunities with [company]. We are pleased that you have considered our organization as a potential for your future career endeavors.
Our team is currently reviewing your credentials for the [job title] opportunity and will contact you should there be an interest in discussing your qualifications further. Otherwise, your information will be kept on file for future consideration.
Again, we appreciate your interest in [company]. We wish you much success in your job search.
Sincerely,

After my most recent rejection, I searched for resources on rejection letters to find that there are plenty of professionals who agree with me on the importance of being personal in a letter to someone you’ve met for an interview.

​Here are some highlights:
  • For anyone with whom you’ve had a conversation (i.e., beyond an initial resume screen where you’ve had a first round phone screen), don’t use a generic letter from a job rejection letter template. This is one I feel very strongly about. If you’ve had more than a five minute conversation with someone, you should be able to specify briefly why the candidate hasn’t made it to the next round. By adding even one point referencing your conversation from the interview process, you’ll provide a basic rationale to your decision related to her own candidacy.
  • The deeper in the recruiting and hiring process someone goes, the more you “owe” them am actual specific rationale for your decision. Particularly, if someone’s had any amount of in person interviews, or even more so, have completed any type of assignment for you as part of the evaluation, there’s no excuse for not providing some level of personalization. The candidate took time to prepare, engage with you recruiters, travel to your office, possibly reschedule other commitments or obligations, etc. They’re receiving potentially bad news now; be respectful of her efforts and appreciative of her interests in your company.
Source: comeet

Offer some positive aspects about their qualifications or interview
To leave a good impression with the candidate, choose one or two qualities that you liked about them. Describing these positive aspects can also help them better understand the strengths that they can highlight more moving forward.
Source: indeed.com

Personalise the rejection letter
Too often, generic templates are sent to unsuccessful candidates where they not only sound robotic, stiff and dishonest but display a negative and poor representation of the company and recruiter.
When sending rejection letters, personalise it by mentioning something positive you noted during the interview, and make sure their name is spelled correctly; attention to detail shows you made an effort. Of course, it’s understandable that recruiters may be dealing with 50 job openings at any given time and managing hundreds of candidates waiting for a response. But try and see it like this: your candidate could one day be your client, consumer or employer.
Source: Job Adder

The Effect of Different Rejection Letters on Applicants’ Reactions​
Organisations appear to pay little attention to rejection letters, considered a special form of organisational communication, despite a growing body of literature that shows they play an important role in terms of employer branding. This study aims to empirically test how applicants’ perceptions are affected by differently manipulated rejection letters. In detail, a sample of 138 rejected candidates filled in an ad hoc questionnaire on perceived selection procedure fairness and satisfaction, after receiving a rejection letter where we had manipulated time latency, the politeness formula and customisation. Results suggest that providing a timely, customised and informal notification is something agreeable, which is able to affect, above all, fairness perceptions and intention to re-apply. In detail, the time latency in giving feedback appears to affect the relationship between fairness perception and organisational recommendation and acts more as a mediator rather than an antecedent variable. Considering that providing feedback is a relatively low-cost activity that at the same time has a big impact on job applicants, our results show that organisations should be sensitive to negative feedback communication, especially in relation to response time, in order to support their employer branding.
​Source: behavioral sciences

The candidate took time out of her week to prepare for your interview process, so if you were impressed by her during the interview, it could make a huge difference to let her know. Simply include one strength of hers you remembered from the interview process, like "Our team was particularly impressed with your writing skills."
​
To truly add value, however, you'll also want to include constructive feedback to help your candidate understand areas she can focus on improving. Take detailed notes during the interview, and when you reject your applicant, provide one or two areas of improvement. Your feedback could help her career success in the future.

Source: HubSpot

Personalize your rejection
Templates make things much more manageable and assure that you address everything that you need to in each rejection. Leave sections in your templates for personalization. Mention the candidate’s name in the opening and sign the message with your own. Take ownership over the rejection, rather than just hiding behind your company’s name. If you’ve spoken with them or they’ve gone through the process, mention something from your conversation if you can. Providing personal details helps the candidate feel like they are more than just a number to you and can soften the rejection blow.
Source: Nicereply.

Give them feedback
A lot of companies don’t give feedback as a policy to prevent themselves from possible lawsuits. However, a little goes a long way, and you don’t have to be incredibly specific to give the candidate something of value. However, if you want to go the extra mile, tell them why you chose someone else and why they were not a good fit for the role. Good candidates will appreciate the opportunity to better themselves professionally. Plus, reading an “it’s not you, it’s us” type rejection letter can help soothe the ego hit of getting rejection after rejection. You never know, it could be the very thing that pushes them in a totally new career direction!
​Source: toggl

Be personal
Spending a little time reflecting on a candidate's experience can make the jobseeker feel your decision is considered and fair. A rejection with no explanation can lead to confusion, frustration, and upset.
Source: Flowrite
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Giddy

4/24/2022

 
I’ve been thinking about my history with running and therapy a lot lately as I try to process the delay in a complaint I made against a therapist and formulate my goals for running in 2022 - ten years after my season of PRs (marathon 3:36:35, half marathon 1:40:05, ten miler 1:12:36).

Reviewing the therapy notes I went back to see if there were any clues about how my self-esteem and mental health was affected by running. I remember never being satistied with my running accomplishments and feeling like a fraud even as I became more serious about training and identified as a runner and that was demonstrated in the records.

The word “giddy” only showed up once in 1000+ sessions and it was in reference to the 2012 Cherry Blossom Ten Mile Run. It was April Fool’s Day. When I saw a finish time of 1:12:36 I almost thought it was a prank. How did I run 10 miles at a pace of 7:15/mile?!? I remember pushing myself during the race so that I could have a time comparable to a local competitor, but I don’t remember feeling like I was going to die from pushing myself. I don’t recall pain or anything bad, I just remember my perservance and pushing forward with determination in every step.

I knew before I even started running the 2022 Cherry Blossom Ten Mile Run that I’d have my slowest time ever, but I was so grateful to be there with my twin sister. We volunteered the day before at the kids race and had so much fun meeting people and giving back to the sport.

I don’t think i’ve laughed as much as I did when my twin and I started filming me dressed up in my Coney costume the day after the race. We saw a bunch of construction workers and cones near a crosswalk on the Mall and I wanted to get footage of me walking towards the Capitol. As I walked, one of the construction workers stopped me to ask, “Are you a candy corn or a traffic cone?” With pure glee and giddiness I answered, “I’m a traffic cone!” He and his buddies started to laugh and he said, “We’re going to need you to come over here. We’re short one cone.” I started to follow him and at that point the video ended because Malinda was laughing so hard.
My sister and I brought smiles to many people on our trip and that’s the greatest gift. As we walked towards the Smithsonian museums, a woman on a bike turned around to catch up to us and thank us. She recognized the Twins Run bag and thanked us for cheering in the T-Rex costume on the course. She said it was just wanted she needed to push through to the end of the race.

You know who else is giddy? The dude in this photo :)

In-Kind

3/27/2022

 
“So, you are a sponsor of the race?” 
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Definition of sponsor
1: one who presents a candidate for baptism or confirmation and undertakes responsibility for the person's religious education or spiritual welfare
2: one who assumes responsibility for some other person or thing
3: a person or an organization that pays for or plans and carries out a project or activity especially one that pays the cost of a radio or television program usually in return for advertising time during its course

Definition of donation

the act or an instance of donating: such as
a: the making of a gift especially to a charity or public institution
b: a free contribution : GIFT
“YES!”
To recognize the value of my in-kind design work as well as my contributions to digital marketing and social media, I asked to be included as a sponsor on the back of the 2022 Charlottesville Ten Miler shirt.
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Thank you Nicole Brimer for being an amazing race director and true friend.

For 14 years, I helped the Charlottesville Track Club (CTC) with graphic and web design, marketing, and event management. For 13 years, I supported five race directors (Alice Wiggins, Mike Inge, Maria Bell, Deb Gilbert, and Nicole Brimer) with the Charlottesville Ten Miler (CTM). I’m grateful and honored to have worked closely with people who valued my ideas, creativity, dedication, passion, and time.

There aren’t enough words to describe how much it meant to me to see my “Twins Run in Our Family” logo on the backs of fellow runners as I ran this iconic race. I loved seeing the new CTC logo I designed (last year) at the top of the shirt, too!

I’ve been struggling emotionally and financially since I lost my job of 22+ years in September 2020. During the 50+ interviews I’ve had since turning 50, I've always spoken about my volunteer work in the Charlottesville running community as my proudest accomplishment. 

During COVID-19 I devoted my time and talents to help Mark Lorenzoni promote the Charlottesville Track Club’s modified events during the pandemic and I especially enjoyed marketing and managing the C-VILLE-athon, Race Fest, Marathon and Half Marathon Training Program, Winter Training Program, the All-Comers Summer Track Meets, and Bruce Barnes Mile. 

During this time a conflict arose between me and various CTC board members. Unfortunately, in spite of my best efforts, this conflict could not be resolved. Therefore, I made the extremely difficult decision to step away from the CTC in September 2021. 

Although I had to separate myself from the CTC, I knew I wanted to help CTM race director, Nicole Brimer, with the 2022 Charlottesville Ten Miler. It was very important for me to end my tenure with the CTC on a high note. So, I made a variety of new designs for a special bib, stickers, and volunteer shirt as well other logos that I never got to use. 

I wore my rainbow sparkle skirt and formerly white running shoes that I colored with a rainbow of sharpies. So many spectators and fellow runners complimented me on my tutu and I appreciated the encouragement as I was rather untrained for this endeavor! 

The best part of the race was seeing my identical twin sister cheering in her inflatable T-Rex costume at mile 4 and the finish line. Being able to finally share this historic event with her made a difficult day of saying goodbye to this race a bit easier. 

Thank you to Nicole for allowing me do what I love and including me as a valuable contributor to this spring tradition in Charlottesville.
Thank you also to Mindy (a.k.a. Ann Hill), my better half, for encouraging me to celebrate my final Ten Miler and to be brave enough to ask for public recognition of what I've accomplished, and, more importantly, to value and thank myself (especially when others wouldn't).
I have had very dark moments during this past week when I was frozen in fear, panicked about how others in the running community view me especially in light of the fact that I haven't spoken with Mark Lorenzoni in six months. Sadly that lack of communication was not my choice, but I hope he knows that whenever he's ready, I'm always available to listen.


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Thanks to Albemarle Baking Company for creating the perfect cake to celebrate my final Ten Miler.
Mark and I were a good team and I'll never forget that. Over the 13 years we worked together, he had a plethora of ideas and he let me run with whatever I liked to make things happen. A former CTM race director once said, "Leah just does things." That might have been a criticism or a compliment, or maybe both! Some people can be uncomfortable and threatened by my drive and impatience to get things done, but Mark let me be me. That was a true gift. Thank you Mark!
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Thank you Mark Lorenzoni for helping me get to the Boston Marathon and supporting my race, the Rivanna Greenbelt Marathon.
Finally, thank you Natalie for capturing me during the race yesterday. I always love to look at the beautiful moments you catch along the course. 
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Thank you Natalie Krovetz for your stunning photography.
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I'm not sure who will be the next director for the Charlottesville Ten Miler and what changes will be made under new leadership. I know that my twin and I will always smile when we see someone wearing a shirt from one of the years I helped support the race, especially the shirts with my designs (2009, 2010, 2011, 2015, 2016, 2017, 2018, 2019, 2020/21, and 2022).
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music is my therapy

All the right songs came up at the right moment .....
​https://music.apple.com/us/playlist/final-ten-miler/pl.u-b3b8oGGHyMLRGd

Encounter Notes

3/23/2022

 
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UPDATE: On November 9, 2022, I received an email from the Board of Psychology informing me of the progress of the case regarding [redacted]. An informal conference will be held on February 24, 2023. I received a 9 page Notice detailing the allegations. I’m waiting for that to be available on the website before sharing it. For now, if you search the license lookup you’ll see “Yes” for Additional Public Information* and that is all I ever wanted. 

​
Over the past few weeks I’ve had numerous conversations with a variety of professionals about my desire to recover from what I would describe as therapy abuse that occurred from 1996-2018. I filed a complaint with the Department of Health Professions in September 2020 yet there has been no resolution which has caused me to feel hopeless, regretful, and desperate. In October 2021 I had an emotional, but helpful 22 minute conversation with a staff member at the DHP. Despite my recent request, the staff at DHP have refused to talk with me again and have indicated via email that they don’t have time to answer my questions about the ongoing process which has only exacerbated the trauma that reporting him has caused me. 

I asked a counselor if I made a mistake by filing my complaint because it feels like it has only ended up hurting me more than if I just stayed silent. She said that she believes that despite the bureaucratic obstacles that are delaying any action or closure, it was the right thing to do to report the abuse. She suggested that I might consider speaking with a lawyer about any other options I might have. 

I took that advice and had two very useful conversations with a lawyer who specializes in therapy abuse. Although she couldn’t take on my case due to the statute of limitations, she suggested that I might want to consider becoming an advocate for changes in the state laws regarding medical malpractice. It helped to talk with someone who’s represented others who have struggled with coming forward, knowing that it often takes years to get to that point and then it’s too late to do anything about it. 

I reached out to the Women’s Initiative during their call-in clinic to get advice on therapy to resolve the issues that filing the complaint has caused. I agreed to speak with an intern rather than a licensed clinician because I thought it was important that someone in training hears about the intense pain that may result from bad therapy. Explaining my story in 30 minutes helped me focus on the core issues I want to address. She noted that one of my strengths was my sense of humor and commented on my bravery and strength to reach out for help despite my history.

I spent $208.50 to get a copy of my medical records from my former therapist so I could see what the DHP might have received. It was no surprise that the huge stack of documents was disorganized and incomplete. 

It was another unpleasant trip down memory lane especially when I found the notes for the session when he hit me with the door as I tried to leave and the session when I confronted him about a hurtful text and email he sent me outside of therapy. At least I know that those notes corroborate my “testimony” although they leave out some very important details. 

I had already received handwritten therapy notes from 2006-2007 years ago when I was trying to quit the first time. In September 2020, I submitted transcripts of those notes typed up by me because his handwriting was so difficult to read. Luckily the notes from 2012-2018 were already typed, but finding any actual encounter notes in pages filled with duplicative information was quite difficult. I spent a couple hours transcribing the 2008 handwritten notes and the 2012-2018 typed notes into a spreadsheet. Then I reviewed all the billing records and entered all those dates into the spreadsheet as well. 

1,096.

That is the number of sessions I had with this therapist. That number alone feels like the strongest and most striking evidence that something went terribly wrong in my “treatment plan.” It’s humiliating and embarrassing to disclose this information, but I need to be transparent in order to finally begin the healing process. When I spoke with someone at the Women’s Center to get a referral she shared with me that if I needed validation that telling a former patient “I’ll pass” when they reach out for help is unprofessional, she was giving that to me. She didn’t even need to know the full story to make that observation as a counselor herself. I could tell that she was upset that something like this happened to someone which gave me hope.

I hope that despite being financially limited due to my current unemployment I might find the right clinician to help me process my experience and grow from it. I feel like my situation would be the perfect case for someone in training and I’m more than willing to share my story to help new therapists gain skills to help others. I need to explore how and why I allowed myself to be in this situation for so long despite numerous warning signs and advice from my friends, family, and other mental health professionals. Most importantly I want to forgive myself. I’ve spent a lot of time ruminating and blaming myself, but as the lawyer reminded me: he was trained to prevent this from happening. It’s not entirely my fault.  Additional Public Information*
Postscript: To add insult after injury, I reached out to the therapist’s office when I realized encounter notes from 2009-2011 were missing without any explanation. I received an email message and letter in the mail that stunned and terrified me. I responded electronically and received a less ominous email reply. These two exchanges pretty much sum it all up. :(
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Resources

8 Signs of a Bad Therapist: When You Should Move On
  1. Your Therapist Is Unreliable
  2. Your Therapist Is Unethical 
  3. Your Therapist Is Judgmental 
  4. Your Therapist Is a Bigot
  5. Your Therapist Just Doesn’t Get You
  6. Your Therapist Can’t Help You
  7. Your Therapist Is Pushy
  8. Your Therapist Is Too Passive
Ten Signs Your Therapist is Abusing You: What to Look For
  1. Talking to you about their other clients, or sharing your information with other people you have not authorized to receive it.
  2. Commenting excessively on your physical appearance, especially in a sexual manner.
  3. Asking you to meet outside of the office.
  4. Texting, calling, or emailing you for reasons other than to schedule an appointment or engage in scheduled “teletherapy,” or asking to connect with you on social media.
  5. Confiding about their personal life to you, especially details about their sex life.
  6. Saying things to you that are shaming, humiliating, or degrading, or becoming angry at you.
  7. Telling you, or making you feel, that they are the only person who can help you.
  8. Pressuring you to do things that make you uncomfortable and that do not seem designed to help you become stronger and more independent.
  9. Encouraging you to harm yourself, or failing to respond to your statement that you feel suicidal or inclined to hurt yourself.
  10. Requesting financial help (other than your regular payments for therapy) or other favors from you.
Warning Signs Of An Abusive Counselor
  • Shame, Blame, Degradation Or Humiliation
  • Talking About Other Clients
  • A Lack Of Empathy 
  • Adverse Impacts After Sessions



__

ALWAYS

3/22/2022

 
I used to think that no one really liked conflict or actively worked to create it except for maybe Putin. I now know that I was wrong. There are people who do actually enjoy conflict and relish the opportunity to create division, to be hostile, to seek a “win” at all costs. I’m not that person. I am transparent, but intense, always seeking clarity. 

The past two years have been incredibly difficult for almost everyone. I know I’m not special in my experience of severe loss and struggle. I’ve tried my best to put on a brave face, to be positive, to focus on doing good, but I get sidelined and distracted very easily by intentional or perceived slights, aggressions, and questionable actions. I’m easily hurt, sometimes quite paranoid, always constantly ruminating. I like to think I make my case clear. My needs, my wants, my desires. Kindness. Gratitude. Empathy. Support. I live the golden rule every single day even if it feels like I'm alone.

​I ask that anyone who reads this, please check in on your friends, your loved ones, even strangers. Be the light. 


ALWAYS
BE HONEST
BE KIND
BE FRIENDLY

JUST HOW YOU WANT TO BE TREATED
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C-VILLE-athon

3/21/2022

 
I managed everything for the C-VILLE-athon from 2015-2020.  A new team is now in charge. Good luck, runners!

The C-VILLE-athon is the brilliant idea of coach, volunteer race director, and running store owner Mark Lorenzoni. Created as a way to encourage runners to try a variety of local not-for-profit races as well as to track one’s progress over the year, the C-VILLE-athon allows participants to design their own racing experience by running at least 26.2 miles in charity events in a calendar year.

I worked behind the scenes to create logos, flyers, website, and social media presence for this initiative and it has been a huge success. During its first year. Of the 243 people who signed up for the challenge in the inaugural event, 83 runners submitted their checklists, running a total of more than 2500 miles for worthy causes! 
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    @leahcville

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