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Searching for the Perfect Interview

1/31/2022

 
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Having survived dozens of interviews, I’m finally beginning to understand the best way for potential employers to get to know me as a person and a prospective team member and the conventional interview is NOT the way.

A friend once told me something about hiring that I’m not recalling quite right, but basically it’s this: You can likely teach anyone to do anything in terms of the job, but you can’t change their personality. Finding the person who is the right fit is more important than finding the one who looks perfect on paper with all the requirements checked off. 

Unless the position you’re trying to fill requires spontaneously answering questions in front of complete strangers, how is an interview the best way to evaluate someone’s potential? If a role requires certain skills shouldn’t those be assessed in a real world scenario applicable to your company rather than completely based on prior experience?

Whenever I have doubts about my marketing abilities, I remind myself that I’ve gotten a lot of interviews and that’s because I know how to market myself, on paper at least. When I think of the ratio of resumes submitted to phone screens to second or third interviews, I think I am doing pretty good considering the current climate. However, I can’t help but think that my aversion to the standard interview and my inability to play the game of first impressions has been the reason for only two offers. I know that I’m not going to change who I am and I’d rather show my true self from the get go, but part of me wishes I could have the perfect interview - one that is a real conversation, an open dialogue, an exchange with honesty and authenticity. 

ATTENTION HR MANAGERS: Please share the majority of questions you may ask in an interview beforehand.  Have candidates record a short video or submit written answers prior to meeting so that the interview can be more like a conversation. If you’re following a script, asking the same questions in the same order to all candidates, why keep it a secret? Wouldn’t you rather see who prepares and who doesn’t? Don’t you want to find out right away who cares enough about the process to research your company and think about what they have to offer and how they see themselves fitting in to your work culture?


I really love the section on Interview Questions in "The Ideal Team Player." (see sample questions below) I've decided to compose answers for these sample questions because I know it will help me learn more about what I have to offer and what I need to thrive in my next position. 

* Tell me about the most important accomplishment of your career.

* What was the most embarrassing moment in your career? Or the biggest failure? How did you handle that embarrassment or failure?

* What is your greatest weakness?

* How do you handle apologies, either giving or accepting them?

* Tell me about someone who is better than you in an area that really matters to you.

* What is the hardest you've ever worked on something in your life?

* How would you describe your personality?

* What do you do that others in your personal life might find annoying?

* What kind of people annoy you the most, and how do you deal with them?

* Would your former colleagues describe you as an empathic person? Can you give an example of how you've demonstrated empathy to a teammate?
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In the middle of writing this I had another great conversation with my Dad about my frustrations with the job hunt. I’ve been really struggling lately with what feels like a broken system in terms of the standard hiring process.

I can’t help but find comparisons between scrolling LinkedIn and Match.com. It’s a tedious endeavor filled with hope and despair. I’m quite grateful that I have been married for almost 22 years to someone I’ve known since 1994! Looking for a new job feels like searching for future husband on a dating app that has resulted in nothing but a lot of awkward first dates. 

Sometimes I feel optimistic and determined. Other times I feel powerless, ignored, and desperate. I know that I’m one of a kind. I know that I have high standards of myself and others. I know that I throw myself 100% into everything I do. I love learning and growing. I thrive on being creative and responsive. I’m honest and I’m intense, but I’m also empathetic and supportive. 

I want to be evaluated not only on my resume and personality, but on what I can do for the organization I’m trying to join. My greatest strengths are best demonstrated in my work and that’s why I’ve appreciated the opportunity to submit a specific writing sample, social content, or presentation tailored to the particular role. I’ve only been required to do this a handful of times, and I didn’t always get an offer, but I knew that I did my best and that’s all that mattered to me. 

All Apologies

1/25/2022

 
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I’m one of those people who says “I’m sorry” so easily and so often that I regularly apologize for stuff that isn’t my fault or something that requires no apology.

That’s why I laughed so much during a recent episode of “And Just Like That…” when Charlotte wouldn’t apologize for knocking Harry over during a competitive tennis game. Things got heated when he confronted her with the number of times she says those two words, “I’m sorry,” to other people and she went off on him. Even though I do think he deserved that apology, I loved seeing her passionately explain herself. “Sorry, not sorry.”

As Ali Trachta describes in her review:“As any good marriage counselor will tell you, fights among longtime couples are rarely about the things that initiated them — this one seems to be more about mansplaining, insecurity and society’s expectation that women always apologize.”

I rarely ask for an apology, because, honestly, what’s the point. If someone doesn’t want to then it means absolutely nothing if you force it.

However, there’s one recent situation in which I’ve told multiple people many times that I deserved an apology from specifically named people and still, crickets. And that’s when I think, “Why can’t I even get the bare minimum two word forced apology?” Especially when everyone agrees mistakes were made in how a situation was handled and I deserved one. 

I apologize when it’s difficult and embarrassing, when it means admitting an error or acknowledging inappropriate or unprofessional behavior. For me, accountability is
absolutely necessary especially at work and in personal relationships. I am not perfect and when I screw up or do something I regret, I am compelled to “own it” and apologize even if I’m apologizing for my gut reaction to how someone’s words or actions harmed me. 

At some point I should search my text messages and emails for “I’m sorry” to see how many times I’ve said it when it was actually needed because of something I did and how often I apologize to someone who’s actually done something wrong to me. 

Ever since my twin sister moved in with me this summer, I’ve been more aware of how I apologize to people i care about. We both have unresolved issues with people who have hurt us and never apologized. As identical twins and best friends who live together during difficult times, we often argue and fight, but we also apologize and forgive.

Here are some great resources about how to say, “I’m sorry” both personally and professionally. And, of course, I also have a “I’m sorry” playlist. :) 
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​You're apologizing all wrong. Here's how to say sorry the right way. (NPR)
  1. Drop your defenses.
  2. Be real.
  3. No ifs or buts.
  4. Less is more.
  5. Stay focused.
  6. A good apology is a beginning, not an end..
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5 Steps to a Sincere Apology
  1. Name what you did wrong. 
  2. Use empathy. 
  3. Make it all about you.
  4. Keep explanations brief.
  5. Let it go.
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How to Craft the Perfect Work Apology
  1. Acknowledge what happened.
  2. Admit your mistake, but don't focus on your initial intentions.
  3. Focus on what you learned.
  4. ​Suggest a plan or solution.
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How to Apologize Sincerely and Effectively
  • Acknowledge that you were wrong
  • Discuss what is allowed and not allowed in your relationship
  • Express your regret and remorse
  • Learn from your mistakes and find new ways of dealing with difficult situations
  • Open up a line of communication with the other person

How Soon Is Now?: Promises and Accountability in Life and the Job Hunt

1/23/2022

 
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I completely missed out on the “West Elm Caleb” witch hunt in real time. I saw some references on twitter, had no idea what it was about, but kept scrolling. Today I finally read a piece in The Washington Post about what happened.

The result is a chain of memeification, where the person becomes a metaphor for something larger.Why people choose to partake in this phenomenon often lies in the gray area between wanting to fit in and wanting to hold people accountable, Richards said. With West Elm Caleb being a “stand-in for sucky men,” it made it easier for women to go after a figure “that society doesn’t generally hold responsible” — those, she said, are “very legitimate emotions.”

I’ve spent a lot of time over the past week thinking about injustice and accountability, human decency and protocols, laws versus morals, right and wrong. 

This Caleb situation felt strangely familiar to me although I’ve been happily married for 21 years. I haven’t been scrolling hinge or bumble, but I have been methodically checking LinkedIn, Idealist, and a few nonprofit and running related job boards. I haven’t gone on dozens of first dates, but I’ve had 50+ interviews over the past two years. The emotions involved in looking for true love and trying to find a new job are quite similar and it ain’t easy. 

“The One”
In the midst of pandemic-related layoffs and the great resignation, many job-seekers are spending hours writing tailored cover letters, preparing for zoom interviews, and waiting. And, for many, the waiting is the hardest part. Especially for someone eager for a new opportunity and suffering from an anxiety disorder. 

So many of the emotions I’ve experienced in the job hunt are ones absent in my life for more than 20 years. It’s true that I haven’t had an interview since the 1990s, but I also haven’t had a date. The feelings involved in searching for the one - the one perfect love or the one perfect career - are quite similar and it’s exhausting. It’s emotionally draining to go from excitement to hopelessness, from anticipation to desperation, from confidence to rejection. 

I joke that I could probably go into Human Resources now because I’ve learned so much about the hiring process and how to make it fair, inclusive, and compassionate. I plan to explore everything I’ve learned and all my recommendations in future posts, but I feel compelled to get something written about this today because I’m feeling quite raw and writing helps me heal.

1. Do not post a job without including the salary range.

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My favorite local job board is the Center for Nonprofit Excellence because of this:
“Effective January 2020, CNE will review all submissions before going live to ensure salary ranges are listed as part of our commitment to equity and transparency.”

I really don’t like to play guessing games. Posting a job announcement without including a salary range is like listing a house for sale without an asking price. It makes no sense and it’s wasting everybody’s time. 

Yes, there should be room for negotiation and salary is not the only thing that determines whether or not a position is the right fit, but if an organization or company is not willing to be transparent about salaries then it’s not somewhere I want to work. One of my first employers, AcademyHealth, would give all positions a level with an accompanying salary range and that information was available to everyone including potential applicants. That compensation visibility spoiled me for future positions where everything was a secret. 

2. Utilize auto reply.

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If you have applicants send an email to apply for a position, then set up an auto reply. Keep it simple and honest. “We’ve received your resume. If your qualifications match our needs, we will contact you.” ​

3. Schedule interviews with Calendly, Doodle, or similar software. ​

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Nothing feels like a bigger waste of time than sending multiple emails back and forth to schedule an interview when there is scheduling software available to make it easier for everyone.  ​

4. Give an overview of the hiring process with firm dates on when decisions will be made and honor those.

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I’ve seen position announcements that include all the stages of the interviewing process with dates and I’ve found that to be quite useful. 
i.e., 
Target Date to Hire: 
Hiring Timeline:
  • Job Posting Opens
  • Job Posting Closes
  • Conduct Phone Screens
  • Conduct Virtual Interviews
  • Conduct Final Interviews
  • Selection, Reference Checks & Job Offer
  • Day One!
When applying for a position, it would be really useful to know what’s involved in the hiring process. If this isn’t included in the announcement, then employers should provide that information when scheduling the initial phone screen or when a candidate makes it past that first screening. 

As expected, I’ve had many more phone screens and virtual interviews than final interviews. I’ve learned to ask specifics about when decisions will be made regarding next steps and I appreciate when these deadlines are honored. ​
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5. Interviews should only be one part of the hiring process.

One of my greatest strengths (and weakness) is my honesty. I really hate interviews and sometimes I am really not very good at them. Often I’ll admit that to a prospective employer even though I know I probably shouldn’t, but it’s the truth. I have an anxiety disorder and sometimes it gets in the way of me making a good first impression. I’d much rather complete an assignment or project to demonstrate my ability to perform the tasks necessary for the role. Yet I’ve only been asked to do something like this a handful of times. I might not always be great at interviews, but I know that the depth of my experience and the quality of my resume and portfolio showcases my creativity, enthusiasm, and strong work ethic. I would take any opportunity to work on a project tailored to a particular position to see if I would make a good fit.
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Consider requesting videos or sharing interview questions in advance.
Preparation is a crucial part to my success. One of the reasons I hate interviews is because I never know what I’m going to be asked so I feel unprepared at the onset which causes anxiety. If I ever had the chance to review the questions before an interview, I know I would be more succinct. If a job doesn’t involve public speaking without having prepared remarks, then why do we ask that of applicants? Asking candidates to submit a video with their answers to a few complex questions beforehand is a great way to even the playing field. 
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Require an assignment. 
The first time I was asked to create a presentation before an interview I felt liberated. I thought, wow, they’ll get to see my creativity, skills, and work ethic before they even meet me. This is awesome! It was a great learning experience even though I didn’t get the job. When I didn’t make it to the next round, I was offered the option to receive feedback on my interview from the hiring company. The analysis I received ended with the opportunity to pay for Coaching Services. ?!?!?! That seemed rather shady and perhaps unethical, but luckily it was the nudge I needed to talk with my dad, a retired successful strategic marketing consultant, as a free resource for career advice. He’s been a lifesaver!
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6. Personalize correspondence with applicants you’ve interviewed and who have completed tasks.

People who are interviewed deserve a prompt response and more than a form letter.
I’ve been ghosted by so many potential employers and even though everyone tells me not to take it personally and that’s just the way it is, I cannot accept that. If you create a connection with another human being by having a conversation with them, albeit a staged professional one, they deserve to be treated with respect and honesty. 

I never say I’m going to do something and then not do it. Not in my personal life and not in any of my professional or volunteer roles. Responsiveness and communication are top priority for me and my expectations of others are based on what I give and provide. 

“No news is bad news” when you’re in the job hunt, but when I receive a response from a company that never even interviewed me, I feel even more hurt and angry at the individuals who met me, spent time with me, and still never gave me an authentic response and official rejection letter. 

True story: I had an interview with someone on the evening before Thanksgiving and although I sent a thank you to multiple emails immediately after and then followed up a week later, the final email I received from the person who scheduled the interview was: “Thank you so much for sharing this information. We will be in touch with next steps.” That was 11/30/21. It’s 1/23/22. Yeah, I know I didn’t get the job, but it would have been nice if someone confirmed that.

I recently had a conversation with my sister about this “pet peeve” of ours - when someone doesn’t follow through on a promise. That’s how I came across this amazing organization: “because I said I would.”

“because I said I would is a social movement and nonprofit dedicated to the betterment of humanity through promises made and kept. We are changing lives through character development programs and volunteer projects in partnership with schools, juvenile detention centers, prisons and communities.”

This seems like a movement I could have started! I’m excited to learn more and volunteer to help.

People who submit an assignment and/or go through multiple rounds of interviews deserve a personal note.
The reason I’m writing this today is because I just endured a torturous week. On Monday, January 10, I had a second interview for a position at an organization where I felt I would thrive. I completed two group interviews and an assignment and was told a final decision would be made the following week. I honestly thought I was perfect for the role and would get an offer on Monday or Tuesday. When that didn’t happen, I couldn’t take the anxiety of waiting anymore so I sent an email asking “when” a final would be made. Four hours later I received a message with the five most frustrating words in the hiring process: “We will be in touch soon.” 

For someone with anxiety, the word “soon” is akin to ghosting. I know there are studies out there documenting how people who know they have to wait x number of hours for something can handle the waiting better than people who are repeatedly given a vague delay without any clear end in sight. It’s why those upcoming train boards on the DC metro almost made commuting less stressful. When interviewing feels like a delayed train with no ETA it zaps the energy out of you and it makes it harder to prepare for other interviews. In a word, it sucks.

I’ve gotten to the point where I can start compiling the pros/cons of any potential offer so that if it never comes I can console myself… to a degree. I’ve been seeing a lot of articles and cartoons lately about imposter syndrome and the pains of unemployment. In a society that asks, “So what do you do for a living?” it can feel quite demoralizing to be unemployed whether or not it’s by choice. 

Identity and Acts of Kindness

When I was unable to sleep on Friday night I caught an episode of “Back On The Record with Bob Costas” with Lindsey Vonn talking about how skiing is something she loves to do, but it’s “not who I am. It doesn’t define me as a person.” 

And I was like whoa!!!! I had an epiphany. Here I was feeling like a complete loser because I didn’t get offered a job that I really wanted, but that decision didn’t actually change who I am. It doesn’t define me as a person. It’s their loss and maybe it will eventually be my gain because I’ll be available for an even better opportunity. Either way, there are so many things that make me proud of the person I am and what I do for money is not at the top of the list anymore. 

When you interview someone and they are honest and raw about their strengths and weaknesses, please treat them with compassion when you decide to pursue another candidate. Including just one reference to something unique to their application and interview would mean a world of difference to someone who’s put themselves out there to be rated and judged. 

Sure, it might be easier for you to send out a generic rejection letter regardless of the personal efforts someone made to join your company, but receiving a response full of standard “we regret to inform you” cliches, one that has been cut and pasted and could have been sent to someone you never even met negates any positive connections that were made during the interview. Please take the time to be kind, empathic, and sincere. 
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No Choice But Action

1/21/2022

 
Ouch. My finger really hurts and it’s an important finger. It’s the index finger on my dominant hand and it’s the only one I use to type on my iPhone. So what happened? How did I lose a layer of skin from an open blister on my index finger?

Well, here’s the story. ​

Leah’s Snow Removal Service

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For a couple days I risked my life walking from my townhome in Pantops to the grocery store and Starbucks because a few businesses felt it wasn’t their responsibility to shovel the sidewalk in front of their establishments. 

I documented the lack of accessibility to the only crosswalk on Route 250 as well as the Charlottesville Area Transit bus stop near the DMV and tagged the Chick-fil-A Pantops and Atlantic Union Bank on social media. I even tagged the local news stations and newspaper. Obviously nothing happened. 

I’ll do anything to avoid a phone call so I grabbed my shovel and decided to just do it myself. It was only after I was almost finished that I realized my throbbing finger had an injury from the cheap shovel and my lack of skill in moving huge chunks of slush, ice, and snow.

I talked about this in a job interview yesterday because I feel like it is a perfect example of my personality and work ethic. 
​
I will never complain about something without trying to fix it. I’m a problem solver. I care about other people. I hold businesses and people accountable for their actions (or inaction). I’m willing to endure pain (both physical and mental) to do the right thing.

I keep checking my feeds for a thank you. For someone from corporate to respond to my tweets, reels, and Facebook posts. It hasn’t happened. 

Luckily a couple of amazing things did happen as I was shoveling and it’s what gives me some hope and pride.

​A couple in a car stopped in front of 2050 Abbey Road Medical Center and asked if I worked for the city. He mentioned that he saw me on the other side of the road shoveling, too. I told him no, I don’t work for anyone. I’m actually currently unemployed and I don’t have a car so it’s important that sidewalks are accessible. I explained that I had tried to use  social media to “shame” the businesses into doing the right thing, but it didn’t work so I took matters into my own hands. They thanked me and gave me fist pumps in solidarity.

A few minutes later another truck stopped and a guy came out with a flyer. It was for a snow shoveling service and he asked if I could give it to management. I told him that I didn’t work for the building and I was just volunteering. He seemed shocked, kept his flyer, and said, “Wow, that’s nice of you!” 


So I did get thanked and acknowledged, but it wasn’t from corporate headquarters, it was literally from the man on the street (x2). 

One last thing. As I started walking home to clear the patches I missed in front of Atlantic Union Bank a van from the Albemarle County Service Authority parked in the lot. A man got out and opened the back of the van and pulled out a shovel. He said he wanted to help me out since he had a better shovel. He noticed I just broke off part of my low-end orange plastic one attacking a stubborn piece of ice. I was so grateful that not only did one more person recognize my efforts, but he stepped up to offer me a hand. I didn’t get his name, but I want to thank him. His generosity and friendliness made my day.

My husband is writing a book about post-punk music in Kansas entitled, “No Choice But Action.” It’s my mantra now. I have no choice, but to act when I see injustice. Shoveling a sidewalk is just another example. 

Charlottesville has an ordinance that businesses and homeowners need to clear their sidewalks by a specific deadline after a storm. Clearing sidewalks is about accessibility and pedestrian safety. I saw children navigating piles of snow to get on the school bus this morning. We need to think about others and make our communities safe for everyone.


I’ll take recommendations on a good shovel to purchase. I have a feeling I’ll need one for the next storm.

Where There's At-Will, There's A Better Way

1/16/2022

 
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“The time is always right to do the right thing.”
​Martin Luther King, Jr. 

I've grown a lot over the past two years as I've navigated my way from working at a company where I spent practically my entire adult life (spanning a marriage and two children, one of which graduated from high school) through dozens of interviews and short stints in two wildly different organizations.

I am finally learning what's important to me in a workplace and what I need in a manager to be successful, but even more importantly, to be HAPPY at work.

When I apply for positions, I normally lead off with my strengths .... I'm persistent, creative, helpful, inquisitive,. and dedicated.

There are other truths about my personality, ones that until recently I tried to hide or negate. I'm also a workaholic and I have an anxiety disorder.

Admitting the diagnosis of a lifelong medical condition, especially one that involves mental health, is a scary endeavor, but it's something I'm no longer comfortable not disclosing.

The more we talk about mental health in the workplace the healthier the climate.

There are certain boundaries that I've decided to create for myself so I can thrive in life and work. It hasn't been easy. They've led to losing friendships, employment opportunities, and a therapist. It's not all bad. I'm finally learning to not go to an empty well for water, to establish my deal breakers when it comes to employment, and to share my time with friends and family who accept me and make me a priority as I do with them. That's been truly liberating.

I've been reading a lot about how to leave toxic relationships (work or personal), the dangers in breaking the ethical boundaries of psychotherapy, the steps to humanely terminating an employee, and the meaning of at-will employment.

And that's made me think about this MLK quote on the day before his holiday:

“The time is always right to do the right thing.”

I tend to see a lot of things very clearly as either "RIGHT" or "WRONG." And when I perceive injustice or wrongdoing I can get quite indignant ("feeling or showing anger or annoyance at what is perceived as unfair treatment"). Despite my intense emotions at witnessing or experiencing discrimination or misconduct, I always try to channel my outrage into doing something positive - to act, to show up, to inspire change.

For me, there is no point in getting upset about something without trying to fix it, to shine a light, and to make the world a better place.

​I'm still organizing my thoughts regarding the concept of  “at will” - both as it relates to employment and how it could be applied to other aspects of life in its alternative definition (“at whatever time or in whatever way one please”). 

Stay tuned as I plan to write much more about the “better way” I see forward, embracing  new journeys and a different direction as I write My Very Own Story (2022 edition!).

Where There’s At-Will, There’s a Better Way (It’s OK to Not Be OK) Playlist

Pre-Nups, Wills, and Other Necessary Agreements

As we all should have a living will and testament (ok, I'm still working on that), a pre-nup (whoops, we were both poor, never thought that was necessary!), and other vital legal documents, we also need to be prepared in case of the "worst case scenario" on the job (even though it might be the *change* you need). When we accept a new position, we are filled with hope and excitement, much like at a wedding, however as many marriages end in divorce, most jobs are temporary.

Know what you want in your departure as much as what you want in your offer.

Most employers share a welcome message to all staff when someone is hired. How they share the news when a colleague leaves is equally important.

It used to bother me a lot when someone quit and they’d be celebrated with a special lunch or an email filled with accolades. The rest of the staff who had to take on extra responsibilities when the team was down a player never seemed to get the same gratitude or celebration for their efforts. At times this made me feel that my dedication and loyalty weren’t valued. 

When HR sends an email announcing someone’s last day was today or yesterday, it’s widely known they were terminated, but that’s rarely explained. Fear is a powerful motivator, and most people would rather stay silent than ask questions and put their own position at risk. 


Grit vs. Quit
  • When to quit, from an expert on grit
  • ​When to Stick with Something — and When to Quit
  • Sometimes it’s better to quit than to prove your grit
​

If You Decided to Grit When You Should’ve Quit: What to Ask if You’re Asked to Leave
(a.k.a. “Today is your last day.”)

Can I have some time to process this before we continue the conversation since this is a complete surprise to me? If not, I know I’ll have questions after I have a chance to digest this news. Can we schedule a short follow-up meeting now for next week?

Would you reconsider? Could we discuss other possible arrangements where I can still contribute to the company in a different role or on a consulting basis?

Would you be able to explain why I am being let go? Why wasn’t I given any warning that you were considering this action and given a chance to address any issues you had with my performance before being terminated?

How will my departure be shared with the rest of the staff?
Will I be allowed to share a final goodbye message to everyone?
​

What will the company say is the reason for the termination to the Employment Commission and during reference checks?

Is there anything I can or should do differently in the future to ensure I am more successful in my next role? Can you provide a letter of recommendation, performance evaluation and reason for termination in writing?
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When It Might Be Legal, But It Feels Wrong

“At-will employment is a term used to describe the relationship between an employee and an employer in which either party may terminate the employment agreement for any reason and without warning, so long as the reason is not discriminatory in nature. It is illegal for employers to fire workers for discriminatory reasons based on age, race, religion, national origin, sexual orientation, gender, pregnancy, or disability. In addition, employers are prohibited from discharging employees as retaliation for whistleblowing or reporting illegal or unethical employer activity.”
To all the CEOs, COOs, Managers, and HR Departments:
It might be legal to fire someone without cause, but if it’s handled poorly, you could lose so much more than the person you just let go.

Team morale is greatly affected by the immediate absence of someone who may have been a valued mentor and friend to other staff. Fear will keep most from asking questions so don’t assume that everyone is ok with the news.

You can terminate an employee with empathy and give them the tools they need to succeed in their next role or you could make it the worst day of their lives.

​You have the power to make a difficult situation more palatable, so please be kind, be supportive, and be accessible.  

If the employee was allowed to introduce themselves to the staff when they started, then please let them say goodbye in their own words (if they wish). 

If you struggled with the decision because the person had amazing qualities and talents, but somehow wasn’t the right fit for your culture or the role, then have a sincere recommendation letter prepared in advance and give it to them. They may never use it to get another position, but it could be a valuable reminder that you recognize they made a contribution to your company and could be an amazing asset to another team in the future. 
Resources:
  • Firing with Compassion
  • To Fire or Not to Fire: 3 Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Let Someone Go​​

RANDOM QUOTES:

“Imposter syndrome is about feelings, not facts. You feel like a fraud, but that doesn’t mean you are. You feel like you’re about to get called out, whether or not anyone is endeavoring to do so. But it’s not based in evidence.”
Brass Tack Thinking

​"Relationships are like glass - sometimes it's better to leave them broken then to hurt yourself trying to put them back together."

“Helping others is not only good for them and a good thing to do, it also makes us happier and healthier too. Giving also connects us to others, creating stronger communities and helping to build a happier society... So if you want to feel good, do good!”
Actionforhappiness.org


"True peace is not merely the absence of tension; it is the presence of justice."  
—Martin Luther King, Jr., Stride Toward Freedom, 1958

"There is no magic in the world like hearing  the first few notes of a song you really love." @positivepresent

“I really do write to find out what I’m thinking. I have a strong memory but it thrives on storing images and emotions... I would drown without a way to sort through, to make sense of it all. I didn’t have to publish it but I did have to write it.”
--Taylor Harris

8 Principles to Navigate Periods of Disorder
1. Stop Resisting What's Happening
2. Focus On What You Can Control
3. Nail Daily Habits
4. Use Routines
5. Stay Connected
6. Be Strong and Adapt
7. Respond Not React
8. Show Up, Get Through, and Make Meaning On Other Side
@BStulberg
 
“
No Hard Feelings dispels the myth that there's no place for emotions at work. You can't communicate clearly unless you're aware of your own emotions, and the emotions you're sparking in others. You can't build productive relationships at work if you're showing up like a robot. This book will help you build the emotional discipline you need to succeed.”
—Kim Scott, author of Radical Candor


“Loneliness often stems from unwanted solitude. But it is also driven by a discrepancy between how you perceive your relationships versus what you want (or expect) from them.”
nytimes.com

“Not finance. Not strategy. And not technology. It is teamwork that remains the ultimate competitive advantage, both because it is so powerful and so rare.” 
Five Dysfunctions of a Team


“Great teams do not hold back with one another. They are unafraid to air their dirty laundry. They admit their mistakes, their weaknesses, and their concerns without fear of reprisal.”
Five Dysfunctions of a Team 

“Humans are bedeviled by the “sunk cost fallacy.” Having invested time or money in something, we are loath to leave it, because that would mean we had wasted our time or money, even though it is already gone,”

“The EEOC expects people to check a web portal every day to try to find an open interview slot to discuss a potential case of discrimination. This flawed system is inherently  discriminatory.“

"It may be that this wasn’t the right job for you, and a push to find a new one is just what you needed."

"A firing can be demoralizing but remember it is only one employer's decision. There will be other, more suitable options for you. Take the time to regroup & find a job that is a better fit for you & your interests."
Related Articles

The Great Resignation? More like The Great Renegotiation
Roughly 33 million Americans have quit their jobs during the so-called Great Resignation. But maybe it should be called "The Great Renegotiation," with workers looking for better pay, perks and treatment.
Picture
How to Write Humane Rejection Letters
“Stay away from generic statements like that could apply to anyone and scream “template!” and offer something specific to the candidate. By acknowledging specific strengths, you remind candidates of their worth at exactly the moment they could be doubting themselves most.”

Didn’t Get the Job? You’ll Never Know Why

How to write a great rejection letter
  1. Get straight to the point
  2. Give them feedback
  3. Let the candidate know that there may still be a chance
  4. Wish them good luck
  5.  Send it as soon as possible
  6. Write different rejection letters for each stage in the hiring process
  7. Keep it personal
  8. Thank the candidate

ALIVE Notes

1/9/2022

 
The power of music is both undeniable and scientifically proven. It can help us run faster, reduce pain, increase relaxation, and even save a life.

In 2017, hip hop artist Logic released his powerful song “1-800-273-8255” about suicidal ideation, recovery, and the power of hope. The title comes from the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline and research recently published in the British Medical Journal indicates the popularity of the song could have saved as many as 245 lives with an increase in call volume to the hotline.

There’s actually a name for the persuasive power of mass media in helping those considering suicide to choose not to complete the final act: the Papageno effect.

Hip hop has a long history of tackling the difficult topic of mental health. In 1982, Grandmaster Flash and The Furious Five released “The Message” which vividly describes social injustice and the toll on Black lives:

“It’s like a jungle sometimes it makes me wonder how I keep from going under”
“Don’t push me cause I’m close to the edge, I’m trying not to lose my head”

Research has shown that the number of rap songs referencing mental health conditions doubled from 1998 to 2018. If more songs address the struggles with and treatment of mental disorders such as depression and PTSD, then it’s possible that the stigma and cultural resistance to seeking professional help will change over time.

It’s vitally important for more musicians and artists to be honest about their own experiences with anxiety or suicidal thoughts so that we normalize discussions about mental illness and treatment.

Unfortunately, multiple studies have shown an exponential growth in suicide rates and attempts amongst Black youth, especially girls and the age of those who are dying is getting even younger. One of the most startling statistics of racial disparities is that Black children under 13 die by suicide at almost twice the rate of white children under 13.

We need to reduce the stigma attached to suffering from mental health conditions and the need to seek professional help with or without medication.

Avoiding conversations about the realities of suicide doesn’t prevent it. We need the survivors of suicide (both those who have attempted and those who have lost a loved one due to mental illness) to speak up and help dispel the myths. We need to teach kids coping skills, where to go for help, and examples of overcoming a temporary mental condition or living productive lives with ongoing treatment of mental illness.

Some people think suicide is selfish or that it’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem. Sadly, many of those who die by suicide have lifelong personality disorders or other chronic health conditions (mental or physical) that cannot be cured and require ongoing treatment and medication. It’s impossible to know whether or not someone’s life experiences that lead to suicidal thoughts are just temporary – they could include sexual abuse, poverty, PTSD, obesity, diabetes, or other struggles that are ongoing and possibly never-ending. Rather than judging those who are suffering, let’s support and listen to them.

One tool I find that has helped me and my friends and relatives who suffer from mental illness is to find at least one song that makes you smile, gives you hope, or inspires you to dance and have that song ready for when you need to distract your mind from the negative thoughts - call it your Alive Note. Sometimes I’ll play just one song on repeat for hours if it makes me feel less alone or gets me moving. Exercise is another proven method for improving your physical and mental health so why not combine music with a walk or workout.

Have a purpose for your playlists. I’ve organized songs to help pump me up or to calm me down, songs that help me laugh or make me cry … whatever I need to feel all the feelings.

Some of my faves include “Ladies First” by Queen Latifah & Monie Love (to feel empowered) and “Just Look Up” by Ariana Grande & Kid Cudi (for a laugh!).

My ALIVE notesHip Hop & Mental Health
What are your power songs? Share your “Alive Notes” with us!

"My Race"

1/8/2022

 
Picture
The Rivanna Greenbelt Marathon started in September 2014 as an opportunity for local runners to have a last chance to qualify for the Boston Marathon. I designed the course to follow the flattest section you can find in a town a HILLS, a paved trail that along the Rivanna River. Because the trail is just 2 miles from the start to the end, participants need to complete 6.5 “loops” of the course. Some people thought it would be boring or crazy to run such a course, but I found more than enough runners who were up for the challenge!

When I created the race I wanted to make it low-key and no-frills. There were no shirts or swag. The only people who got a medal were those who DNF. I wrote a blog once about how hard it is to quit a race even when it’s the right thing to do (i.e., if you feel like you’re developing an injury or if you don’t think you’ll hit your goal, etc.). I joked that we should give medals for dropping out. I took that idea and put it into action at my own race. I actually earned a medal myself in October 2014 when I dropped out of my own race.

Having the race in September in the Mid-Atlantic was quite challenging in terms of weather. We had heat waves and thunderstorms. I decided during the pandemic that I would change the timing of the race. We adjusted a few things for safety and had our race in November 2020 on a perfect day. I directed three races in 2021 (March, October, and December) and added a half to the mix.

As both a runner and a volunteer, I wanted my race to have everything that I think is important for an amazing experience. We have medical support from the UVA Runners’ Clinic, volunteers from the running community, chalk messages and signs along the course, free course photos, and chip timing with finish line video. Our race mascot is “Coney” - a funny addition inspired by satirist and writer Mark Remy (The Dumb Runner). It’s fitting because you need to run around cones multiple times. In 2020 I started to give out mini traffic cones with googly eyes and hand-drawn mouths to finishers. Also, by adding a half marathon and raising the entry I was able to donate almost $2,500 this year to three charities.

I’m really proud of my quirky little race. There are runners who come back every year (when they aren’t injured) and I’ve heard so many amazing stories from participants about what motivated them to pick my race. I always send evaluation surveys to both runners and volunteers so I can keep improving the event.

We had a panel of local runners talk about Lessons Learned with Joan Benoit Samuelson and I spoke about the importance of giving back to the running community by volunteering at a race. That inspired a few new volunteers to show up my November 2020 event!

I really love talking about my race because it’s been a labor of love for me and my identical twin sister. There’s been a lot of ups and downs - during the 2nd race I had to disqualify a friend because she turned around before the course marking twice and it was on video. For the first 6 races we did all the timing old school (no chips!) with Time Machine and lap counters. That was labor intensive to compile the results, but it was always a thrill to submit them to the B.A.A. We’ve had people complete their first marathon and first half marathon with us and it means so much to be part of someone’s important running history.

    @leahcville

    1/2 of  @TwinsRun
    Wife of @SportingKyd
    Mom of 2 with James Joyce inspired names
    Director of @RivannaMarathon
    Writer at @agoodgroup
    #PokémonGo enthusiast
    #GeeksWhoDrink player

    #TWINSRUN50K

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