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The Work

11/8/2022

0 Comments

 
When I was an MFA student at GMU I remember a professor once told my class that if he ran into one of us years in the future and asked about our “work”, he’d expect to hear about our writing, not the job we had at the time to pay the bills. 

That comment occurred to me this weekend as I was both an employee and attendee of the Virginia Film Festival. An event that, in many ways, was 13 years in the making. In 2009, when I first attended VAFF, ecstatic to meet Alan Ball, asking him sign my “Six Feet Under” book and telling him the show saved my marriage because it gave us something to share together, I could have never imagined I’d end up being a seasonal employee and have the opportunity to meet another screenwriter, Meg LeFauve, who would inspire and encourage me to tell my stories. 

Before experiencing the magic of these five days in November, I had endured 100+ interviews and even more rejections from the countless other jobs I applied for but never advanced past the resume slush pile. I survived two years without permanent full-time employment (except for a three month position that ended with getting fired for the first time in over 27 years) and two years without resolution to a complaint I filed with the Virginia Department of Health Professions against a psychologist I saw over 1,000 times. It’ll take time for me to adequately describe how all of these things are intricately connected, but suffice it to say, it’s about facing shame and regret, needing validation, exploring vulnerability, quantifying worth, defining failure or success, seeking approval, wanting  acceptance, and establishing connection. The journey from “I’ll pass” to “We’d like to make an offer.”

This weekend I also recalled the advice from a coach who had said to runners training for a long distance race that the marathon should be a celebration for all the miles it took to get to the starting line. For so many runners it’s the hours on the roads, in solitude or with friends, that brings meaning to the sport, not the actual race. But when you earn the PR you’ve been striving for or finally get to the finish line in a race you’ve been struggling through, the completion of that goal is a feeling of joy and accomplishment that is like no other.

There were so many meaningful and life-changing moments during the festival that as I write this now I don’t even think I’m ready to share all of them just yet. Maybe I can just start with a few of my favorite photos. 

I cackled. I cried. I danced. I panicked. I felt awkward. I felt pride. I was alone. I was with friends, new and old. And, most importantly, I shared experiences with my daughter and with my twin. 

So I’ve found meaning in all the pain I’ve experienced over the past two years and the memories from this festival are like race medals I’ll cherish forever.
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Opening Night Gala with my Twin! Photo by Justin Ide
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Working with Kat at a happy hour! Photo by Coe Sweet
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My favorite photo! Photo by Justin Ide
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Screenwriter’s Panel with Dustin Lance Black and Meg LeFauve. Photo by Justin Ide.
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My daughter and me before a screening of “The Lost King”
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Late Night Wrap Party, Photo by Eze Amos
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0 Comments

Wellness Check

2/18/2022

 
I started this poem "Wellness Check" as a somewhat tongue in cheek reaction to a story I read about someone who was held captive and her family knew something was wrong because she wasn't sharing her Wordle score. I started to think about all the other things I could do or not do that would indicate I was in trouble. It took me all day to write and rewrite this and I'm still not 💯 satisfied but I'm so proud of myself. I haven't spent this long on creative writing since I earned my MFA from GMU in 2004. I loved reconnecting to that part of myself enjoys hunting for the right words to solve the puzzle 🧩 in my mind.

#BeThe1To take a few minutes and reach out to someone you care about.
​#wellness#creativewriting #wordle #mentalheathmatters #suicideprevention
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A related poem that I wrote when I was in college in 1993.
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Another poem about identity from 2000.
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Untouchable Face Remake

2/9/2022

 
​To: Ani DiFranco
From: Leah Connor
Re: Thank you.
Hi! I’m 50 years old and I haven’t written a fan letter to a musician since I was probably 15, but I need to personally reach out to say thank you, Ani. 
​
Long story short, I had a very toxic and damaging relationship with a psychologist from 2007-2020 and when I requested an appointment with him during the throes of COVID-19 he offered me dates, until I insisted on a tele-therapy appointment and then replied, “I’ll pass.”  I reported him to the Department of Health Professionals 40 days later. There was an investigation, I provided evidence, and the report was submitted in December 2020. It’s now February 2022 without any resolution and it’s been unbearable to wait.

I have an MFA in creative writing (2004), but I haven’t written much in the past 20 years. The only thing that helped me get through the roughest days lately was screaming out the chorus of “Untouchable Face.” That’s when I thought, wow I should remake this song especially for me. So I did and this is what I came up with so far:​

I know I’m not a saint 
I analyze and criticize 
with remorse, without restraint
I know I’m not a fake 
Making enemies and allies
Reliving my mistake
I can’t take back my complaint
​


​So fuck you
…
and this unresolvable case

Fuck you
…
for destroying a safe space

And who am I?
​to dare call you out on your shit

I said who am I?
to win against a narcissist


I sat on your couch
Vocalizing my doubts
Wondering what it would be like to trust
Build intimacy without touch or lust


​Except fuck you
…
for denying my grace

Fuck you
…
for cheating in this race

And who am I?
that I should want closure

I said who am I?
To lose my composure


Early on, I dared to complain
at sessions starting late
the stolen minutes 
proved you didn’t care (enough) 
with so much at stake 
If I only knew how to wait
when staying gets tough
​

Fuck you
…
for the memories I can’t erase

Fuck you
…
for making me feel out of place

And who am I?
To ask for boundaries and insist

I said who am I?
To deserve “I’ll pass” when you’re finished


Couldn’t learn my lessons
Couldn’t change my fate
Couldn’t hide the stuff
That finally made me break​

If only you kicked me out
when I wanted to leave
and needed a reprieve
when I couldn’t believe
I’d find water in a drought


And who am I?
If my complaint is dismissed

I said who am I?
If I don’t want to exist

I said who am I?
No more strength to resist

Who am I?
Tired from fighting like a darwinist

Who am I?
To blame myself for having caused all this


I am going to write the verses, but that’s going to take a bit more time. Until then, I’ll be singing Fuck you on repeat. :) 
YOUTUBE PLAYLIST
  • ​More videos showing the many beautiful hairstyles of Ani :) 

Upcoming Posts ...

8/25/2017

 
Topics I'll be writing back in the new few weeks ...

  • My obsession with PokemonGo and how it saved my marriage! 
  • Why I canceled this year's Rivanna Greenbelt Marathon and why I'm already thinking about offering two dates in 2018 for BQ hopefuls!
  • My struggles with recovering from an injury and two disappointing marathon performances during the past year.
  • Being the parent of two teenagers (as of September 1st!)
  • Race Recap for the Charlottesville Women's Four Miler 
  • Race Recap for the Pepsi 10K
  • My goals for the 2017 Chicago Marathon 


    @leahcville

    1/2 of  @TwinsRun
    Wife of @SportingKyd
    Mom of 2 with James Joyce inspired names
    Director of @RivannaMarathon
    Writer at @agoodgroup
    #PokémonGo enthusiast
    #GeeksWhoDrink player

    #TWINSRUN50K

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​​agoodgroup.org

  • Home
  • Resume
    • Overview
    • References
    • LinkedIn
    • Download Resume PDF
    • Design Portfolio
  • Design Portfolio
  • Blog
  • Creative Writing
    • Transitional Objects
    • Excuse Bad Writing
    • The Daily Collegian
    • Engaged in an "Epizzle"
    • Annotated Bibliography of "Araby"
  • Social Media
    • Facebook
    • Twitter
    • Instagram
    • Twins Run in Our Family
    • In the News
  • Advocacy
  • Twins Run