​It takes courage
Learn to forgive
To be brave enough to listen
To live and let live
Peter Gabriel, “Live and Let Live” (from the highly anticipated new album “i/o”)

Charlottesville is a small town. It’s even smaller when you have an identical twin who is also active in the community. So the chances of seeing me (or someone who looks a lot like me) are double that of a normal person. If you factor in other variables like she doesn’t drive, I don’t own a car, she has numerous doctor appointments and meetings, and I’m training for a marathon, the likelihood you’ll see one of us randomly walking or running on streets and trails is quite high! 

This is one of the main reasons why I believe if there’s an unresolved conflict, it’s much better to have a planned conversation than an unexpected, awkward interaction. 

Since filing a complaint against a former therapist in September 2020, I’ve seen him in the grocery store at least four times. At the first encounter, I fled in a panic attack, during the last I wished I could have gone up to him to plead that he drop his appeal to the decision of the VDHP so this ordeal would finally be over for the both of us, three years later. 

There are other people I’ve worked with in the past year who I’ve asked to speak with in a facilitated way, but the request was denied. I don’t want to make anyone unnecessarily uncomfortable, but I also don’t like it when I know my words and actions have been misrepresented in a way that affects my reputation and my future. I will always seek clarity, acknowledge my mistakes, offer suggestions for improvement, and be willing to listen. Always. 

During my periods of unemployment, I tried to be as transparent as possible, writing about my struggles with anxiety, being a workaholic, and getting older. In my cover letter, I was honest about who I am in five words. At first, they were:

1. Persistent
2. Creative
3. Helpful
4. Inquisitive
5. Dedicated

By the time I applied for the position I currently hold, I made one change, replacing “Persistent” with “Quirky.” At the time, I felt it was more appropriate to acknowledge that I am unconventional and unorthodox because that’s core to my identity. It didn’t occur to me until quite recently that persistence can be viewed in a negative way by those who’d rather ignore problems than try to fix them.

When I condensed my lengthy resume to one page I prominently displayed those five words and the two quotes I live by:

“Our doubts are traitors, And make us lose the good we oft might win, By fearing to attempt.” –Shakespeare

ALWAYS BE HONEST, BE KIND, BE FRIENDLY
JUST HOW YOU WANT TO BE TREATED

Over the past year, I’ve channeled my ruminations into writing some sad (and, to be honest, probably bad) “lyrics” about all of my feelings regarding the ongoing and unresolved dramas. I’m so grateful to Peter Gabriel for writing a beautiful and uplifting song covering the same themes in a more positive way. “Live and Let Live” has been on repeat quite a bit this week. Thank you so much Peter. I was lucky to be in the front row with my son in Dublin and it was a life-changing experience. I cannot wait to see the i/o tour again in Philly, New York, and DC. 

This is how it turns
This is what we do
This is who we are
When we forgive
We can move on
Release all the shackles
One by one
We belong to the burden
Until it's gonе
Peter Gabriel, “Live and Let Live” (from the highly anticipated new album “i/o”)

Just
by Leah Connor

If I just let things go
If I just stopped
to enjoy the show
If I just made the shots
If I just stopped
the incessant thoughts
Who would I be?

If I just paid the fines
If I just stopped
looking for signs
If I just let them go
If I just stopped
begging to know
Who would I be?

“Just married”
“Just breathe”
“Just sold”
Just need

“Just keep swimming”
“Just have fun”
“Just do it”
Just run

This just in….
I’m still here.
I won’t disappear.
I’m sincere.
A pioneer.
I persevere.
Despite my fears.
I take souvenirs.

This just in
I’m still here.
Justice seeker.
Imagineer.

If I just let blame go
If I just stopped
made room to grow
if I just stopped
if I just paused
If I just stopped
the pain I caused
Where would I be?


​

Pacifier
by Leah Connor

To pacify or persist
To renounce or resist
I’m sorry but I must insist
These problems be fixed

Telling the truth is my only way
So please just demand an NDA
Give my friends a vacay
Stop working to save me
from the spiral
The desperate dream
that my complaints go viral

My intent is pure
Talking the cure
I knew it wouldn’t be easy
Unveil the secrecy
Expect some decency

My urge to save the next
From a similar mess
Was never obscure
To be the change
To know for sure

When I did my best
Shared my strengths,
my sorrow,
and all the rest
In the end, ChatGPT
showed more empathy
Gave me hope in tomorrow

I see the allure of its ease
To fill some basic needs
When the pursuit of what’s just
is the hardest test

In place of human morality
Should I trust AI’s reality

Fill the achy silence
with any answer
Accept generated words
as my pacifier

​
​

July 29, 2023 is the 3rd anniversary of receiving a terse email response (“I’ll pass.”) from a former therapist when I requested a virtual appointment after he offered to meet me in-person during the COVID-19 epidemic. Those two words were the final straw which gave me the push I needed to file a formal complaint for the years of inappropriate behavior I endured during “treatment.”  I wrote these lyrics in February 2022 based on an Ani DiFranco song, “Untouchable Face.” In this revised version, I have removed a lot of the lines I stole from her beautiful song so it’s more my own.

In the 18 months since I wrote this, there finally was an informal hearing on
February 24 about the allegations which lasted 4 hours and 25 minutes. Unfortunately, the decision by the two-panel board to put certain terms and conditions on his license was appealed in April which means this now must go to a formal hearing. Almost four months have passed since that appeal was filed and no date has been set. I have no clue if or when one ever will be. The last time I went to the license lookup page, his license had expired so at least there’s that small victory in helping to protect others because he is no longer practicing.  

I had one goal in all this: To have a public record of what happened to me in an attempt to warn and protect others. Eventually, the 9 page notice detailing the allegations and findings as well as the final order with the ruling of the board, will be available via license lookup. This will be part of the permanent public record even if he’s no longer practicing. Sadly, until that happens I worry I will not have full closure. Justice shouldn’t take this long. The rights of victims who have the courage to speak up should be protected.