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Refriending or Walking Away

5/27/2022

 
"Conflict is an opening to recalibrate and improve a friendship, and it conveys mutual investment. Don't give up on friendships because one issue has arisen."
​
Marisa Franco, a psychologist and friendship expert based in Washington, DC

I've been thinking a lot about friendship: what makes it lasting and what leads to it ending. The running community has lost amazing people over the years. Some I knew (Dave Murphy) and others were before my time (Bruce Barnes) but I still feel a connection. Having met some amazing people through running, I'm so grateful for all the connections and experiences even if not all of those relationship are currently active. 

Recently I came across a great article, "
How to end a friendship: Should you address it directly, or simply unsubscribe?", that has helped me understand the requirements for a solid friendship and the opportunity to "REFRIEND" those who we've lost touch. 

Anyone who knows me, knows I've experienced huge losses over the past two years. Some were inevitable, others unnecessarily painful. If you see a friend in need, don't just walk away. The smallest gesture of kindness could make all the difference.


"When life feels hard, approaching awkward or painful conversations often falls to the bottom of our to-do lists. But human connection is crucial; it's time to embrace the awkward, be honest, listen and dive in."
Christine Koh,  former music and brain scientist turned author, podcaster, and creative director

According to researcher  and author Lydia Denworth, a good friendship requires three things.
  1. The first is that it be long-lasting. To be friends, individuals have to have put in some time together, creating a relationship that is stable and reliable.
  2. Friendships must also be positive. They must make both participants feel good.
  3. And finally, a friendship requires cooperation and reciprocity. There must be give and take and willingness to help, especially in times of crisis, flowing back and forth.​
Sometimes it is the best decision to walk away from a friendship but having an honest conversation about why, although temporarily uncomfortable, will be far less painful in the long run than blocking or ghosting someone. Here's a playlist that might help get you through being dumped by a friend. 
Picture

Additional Reading

5 ways to repair a friendship (or leave it behind if toxic)
Here are five ways to repair a friendship -- or leave it behind if it's toxic.
1. Reflect and write down the good
2. Choose a different way to communicate
3. Give it time and try again
4. Shuffle the "friendship furniture"
5. Follow the red flags

Survival Of The Friendliest: How Our Close Friendships Help Us Thrive
In her new book, Lydia Denworth makes the case for the vital necessity of friendship, tracing its effects on your genes, on your brain and even on animals like sheep and fish. (NPR)

Review | How people — and animals — are biologically built for friendship
Science shows that social bonds are crucial to well-being, Lydia Denworth writes. (WashingtonPost)

Why Making Friends in Midlife Is So Hard
I thought I was done dating. But after moving across the country, I had to start again—this time, in search of platonic love. (The Atlantic)

Will you be my (work) friend? The new reality of making and keeping a work friend in the hybrid...
It's hard to make friends when you can't share gossip while grabbing a coffee. But you could be happier at work if you make the extra effort. (Fortune)

Plan C

5/6/2022

 
In September 2021, I finally went “public” about my own abortion story via this blog and social media because I knew that with the 3 appointments to the Supreme Court from the last administration the constitutional right to privacy guaranteed almost 50 years ago with Roe vs. Wade would be overturned. 

With the leaked opinion my fears became reality. I wasn’t shocked, I was outraged. When the ruling is officially released, my daughter will be living in a country that no longer believes she has a right to make decisions about her own body and that terrifies me. 

When I learned I was unexpectedly pregnant just days after a missed period I sought a medical abortion (a.k.a. medication abortion, RU-486, or the abortion pill). At the time (1998-1999) it was not officially an option for women because RU-486 hadn’t been approved by the FDA as a method of early medical abortion until September 28, 2000.

A few clinics still offered the medication via off-label use. I was lucky that I lived within driving distance to one of these clinics, that I had a partner who had a car and was willing to help me, and that I had the flexibility with my job to travel to my appointments. 


Over twenty years later, with the advancements in science and medicine, we now live in a time where the safety of the abortion pill has been well-documented and there is access to telemedicine and prescriptions by mail. In 2022, we must ensure that all women in every state have access to the abortion pill to manage their own health care. 

Since medication abortion is more effective early in a pregnancy, it’s a perfect option to help prevent late abortions (12+ weeks) yet Republicans in many states have still tried to limit access to the medication and to require unnecessary in-person visits for women who choose this option.   

We need to empower women to learn the facts about self-managed reproductive care including abortion. Polls show that many Americans don’t know about the abortion pill and this needs to change especially when Roe vs. Wade is overturned. 

Forced childbirth is already a horrifying reality for many women who live in states without access to a clinic or the financial means to travel for healthcare.

As a woman who’s had two children and a medication abortion I can speak about this right to choose from first-hand experience. The toll of pregnancy and labor/delivery on a woman’s mental and physical health can be damaging even when it’s planned. The effects of being required to carry a pregnancy to term against one’s will is something I can’t even imagine enduring. I will do everything I can to help girls and women learn more about how to maintain control over their reproductive lives.

We need compassion, empathy, as well as access to all contraception and medication that gives women control over their own bodies.
Resources
  • AidAccess
  • ​PLAN C: A Guide to Abortion Pills Online
  • ​The Availability and Use of Medication Abortion | KFF
  • Get the Facts About Medication Abortion (Planned Parenthood)
  • Find a Provider
  • AbortionFinder.org
Facts
Medication abortion in 2020 became the mostly commonly used form of abortion for the first time in the U.S. More than half of U.S. abortions are now done with pills, rather than surgery.
​
How effective is the abortion pill?
  • 8 weeks pregnant or less, it works about 94-98 out of 100 times.
  • 8-9 weeks pregnant, it works about 94-96 out of 100 times.
  • 9-10 weeks pregnant, it works about 91-93 out of 100 times.

Legislation
  • 32 states require clinicians who administer medication abortion to be physicians.​
  • 19 states require clinician providing a medication abortion to be physically present when the medication is administered, thereby prohibiting the use of telemedicine.
Picture
On Wednesday, I spoke with PBS Newshour about my abortion story and the impact of overturning Roe vs. Wade for my teenaged daughter. They asked for a photo of me from the period in which I exercised my right to choice.

In the News
  • Demand for abortion pills will soar if Roe v. Wade is overturned, advocates say (WP)
  • Abortion Pills Will Be the Next Battleground in a Post-Roe America (NYT)
  • Next battle on abortion will focus on pills (AP)
  • Everything To Know About The Abortion Pill (Elle)
  • Abortion pill provider sees spike in U.S. interest after SCOTUS leak | Reuters
  • The Science Behind the “Abortion Pill” | Health & Medicine
  • Abortion pills by mail pose challenge for officials in red states (WP)
  • Abortion pills: A post-Roe game changer — and the next battleground
  • Abortion pill startup Hey Jane to seek new VC funds​
  • Abortion Pills, Once a Workaround, Are Now a Target
  • The Pill That Still Hasn’t Changed the Politics of Abortion (2016)
Research
  • Medical Compared With Surgical Abortion for Effective Pregnancy Termination in the First Trimester
  • FDA Response to ACOG April 2021 re: Medical Abortion (by mail dispensing)
  • Questions and Answers on Mifeprex (FDA)
Getting the abortion pill in the mail 
In some states, you can do your visit online (AKA telehealth) and get your abortion pills mailed to you. At this time, only some Planned Parenthood health centers are able to offer telehealth for the abortion pill (where the pills are mailed to you or you pick them up at your local pharmacy). The best way to learn about the services available in your area is to call your nearest Planned Parenthood health center. Below is a list of Planned Parenthood affiliates that currently offer virtual visits for the abortion pill. In order to have the pills mailed to you, you must have an address where you can receive the pills in one of the states listed below:
  • Reproductive Health Services of Planned Parenthood of the St. Louis Region - (IL)
  • Planned Parenthood Keystone - (PA)
  • Planned Parenthood of Metropolitan Washington, DC Inc. (DC, MD, VA)
  • Planned Parenthood of Montana
  • Planned Parenthood League of Massachusetts (MA)
  • Virginia League for Planned Parenthood (VA)
  • Planned Parenthood South Atlantic (VA)
  • Planned Parenthood of the Rocky Mountains (NV, NM, CO)
  • Planned Parenthood Great Northwest, Hawai'i, Alaska, Indiana, Kentucky (WA, HI)
Contact your nearest Planned Parenthood health center to see if this is an option for you.

    @leahcville

    1/2 of  @TwinsRun
    Wife of @SportingKyd
    Mom of 2 with James Joyce inspired names
    Director of @RivannaMarathon
    Writer at @agoodgroup
    #PokémonGo enthusiast
    #GeeksWhoDrink player

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