Lyrics

Ever since I was in high school in the late 1980s, I imagined myself as a future lyricist. I dabbled with ideas in college in the early 1990s as well. But, yes, that dream went nowhere!

This past year, I’ve gotten back into writing some lyrics or what I also like to think of as “bad poetry” and it’s been quite therapeutic.

 I found some of those early lyrics (see at the bottom). Written on a typewriter or printed with dot matrix. I’m so old! :) It’s amazing to see how the things I want to write about haven’t changed much in 30 years. Still thinking about looking to find a composer/musician who can help make real songs out of these some day. My “dream” to have a song of my own that I can enjoy as much as I love listening to Peter Gabriel. :) 

​WELLNESS CHECK

If I don't share my Wordle score
Please send a wellness check to my door
I may be dead or captive

If Garmin shows me inactive
If I suddenly feel attractive
These are signs not to ignore
Please send a welfare check to my door

If I look rich instead of broke
If I see a bear that I can’t poke
If I never laugh at a joke
Please check in on me

If I stop being the squeaky wheel
If I quit obsessing about how I feel
If you think it’s worth the trek
Please check in on me

If my tweets seem jejune
If I text "no worries" or "soon”
If I speak without saying "I'm sorry”
If I'm not bold, anything but chary
If I rant without expletives
If I fail a test for stress
I may be under duress

If I pretend I don't care
Or write a blog but don't overshare
If I don't keep a promise
If I'm not brutally honest
If I can’t imagine the absolute worst
If I grab a Pepsi to quench my thirst
It’s not me

​If I don’t celebrate Christmas before Halloween
If I’m not a Hallmark-y glued to the tv screen

If I don’t lose something of value every day
Or fail to admit I‘m atheist before I pray

If I don’t offer to take the blame
If I don’t live off guilt and shame
It‘s not me

If I miss a chance to self-deprecate
And start showing up an hour late
It’s not me

If I avoid self checkout, trash Apple Pay
If I make the choice to leave today
It’s not me

If I ask for sex, but decline a hug
Cancel the doc who might prescribe a drug
It’s not me

If I love the chimes when there’s a breeze
If I see the forest instead of trees
It’s not me

If I decide to just let it go
If I stop admitting what I don’t know
It’s not me

If I’m ever satisfied without wanting more
If I don’t share my Wordle score
Please check in on me

---

All This

I know I’m not a saint
I analyze and criticize
with remorse, without restraint
I know I’m not a fake
Making enemies and allies
Reliving my mistake
I can’t take back my complaint​

​Fuck you and this unresolvable case
For destroying a safe space
Who was I ​to dare
call you out on your shit
to win against a narcissist

I sat on your couch
Vocalizing my doubts
Wondering what it would be like to trust
Build intimacy without touch or lust

​Fuck you for denying my grace
for cheating in this race
Is it so wrong that I should want closure
Or surprising to lose my composure

Early on, I dared to complain
at sessions starting late
the stolen minutes
proved you didn’t care (enough)
with so much at stake
If I only knew how to wait
when staying gets tough

​The memories I can’t erase
Making me feel out of place
To ask for boundaries and insist
To deserve “I’ll pass”
when you’re finished

Couldn’t learn my lessons
Couldn’t change my fate
Couldn’t hide the stuff
That finally made me break​

If only you kicked me out
when I wanted to leave
and needed a reprieve
when I couldn’t believe
I’d find water in a drought

Who will I be?
If my complaint is dismissed
If I don’t want to exist
No more strength to resist
Tired from fighting
like a darwinist
Blaming myself
for having caused all this

---

Just

​If I just let things go
If I just stopped
to enjoy the show
If I just made the shots
If I just stopped
the incessant thoughts
Who would I be?

If I just paid the fines
If I just stopped
looking for signs
If I just let them go
If I just stopped
begging to know
Who would I be?

“Just married”
“Just breathe”
“Just sold”
Just need

“Just keep swimming”
“Just have fun”
“Just do it”
Just run

​This just in….
I’m still here.
I won’t disappear.
I’m sincere.
A pioneer.
I persevere.
Despite my fears.
I take souvenirs.

This just in
I’m still here.
Justice seeker.
Imagineer.

If I just let blame go
If I just stopped
made room to grow
if I just stopped
if I just paused
If I just stopped
the pain I caused
Where would I be?

---

​Pacifer

To pacify or persist
To renounce or resist
I’m sorry but I must insist
These problems be fixed

Telling the truth is my only way
So please just demand an NDA
Give my friends a vacay
Stop working to save me
from the spiral
The desperate dream
that my complaints go viral

My intent is pure
Talking the cure
I knew it wouldn’t be easy
Unveil the secrecy
Expect some decency

My urge to save the next
From a similar mess
Was never obscure
To be the change
To know for sure

​When I did my best
Shared my strengths,
my sorrow,
and all the rest
In the end, ChatGPT
showed more empathy
Gave me hope in tomorrow

I see the allure of its ease
To fill some basic needs
When the pursuit of what’s just
is the hardest test

In place of human morality
Should I trust AI’s reality

Fill the achy silence
with any answer
Accept generated words
as my pacifier

---

• ​REALITY (1985)
• WASTED MOVEMENTS
• MY SISTER’S WEDDING
• HATE
• THINKING IN EXTREMES
• SIMPLE, DUMB AND UNPREDICTABLE
• LIVING IN A DREAM WORLD
• WRONG SIDE OF THE TRACKS
• NO GREAT REWARD
• BREAKING THE RULES
• BEHIND CLOSED DOORS
• NO REGRETS
• THE WRONG IDEA
• BREAK THE ICE
• CEASE TO AMAZE ME
• WELLNESS CHECK
• ALL THIS 
• JUST
• PACIFER (2023) 
• NATURAL
• OH LEARY (LAOGHAIRE)
• ANNALIVIA PLURABELLE
• OH FRAN, MY POKEMAN

April-June 1985 NAAS Newsletter
Reality
"Why do you do this? Do this to our family? to yourself? Why don't you eat?
Just eat one bite. Please. Please, just one bite. I love you honey. Just eat. Please!"
There's no response,
The body stiffens
No feelings show through the gaunt, lifeless face,
Having none means superiority.
But that's a lie,
You're scared, alone,
This urge, this obsession has taken over your life; has cut all ties from friends. family; has destroyed your life.

You are hungry, but not just for food.
You cry for attention, yearn for their approval,
They can't see it though, why can't they tell?
"If you eat this I'll get you anything. anything you want."
But you don't want anything (anything but your freedom, their love),
You've worked too hard for this, You can't give it up, you won't.
They can't see it though, why can't they tell?
Why can't you?
-Leah Ann Hill

WASTED MOVEMENTS
I see my father as a man who
 always has a plan
 He knows what he is doing
 Every step is calculated
 and always right
I see myself as someone who
 makes many mistakes
 I often don’t know what I’m doing
 My steps are not planned
 and often wrong
But I have come to realize
 that my so called “wasted movements”
 are not really wasted at all
 for it is through these mistakes
 that I learn and grow
My father may always know
 what he is doing
 but he may never know
 what he is missing

MY SISTER’S WEDDING
Why should I have to wear a dress
 Why should I have to wear makeup
 Why should I have to look pretty
 for someone else’s wedding
Why should I have to pretend
 that I believe in something
 that I don’t believe in
Why should I have to stand there
 and listen to a priest
 tell my sister
 what her role in life should be
To love
 To obey
 To bear children
Why should I have to watch
 my sister become
 a wife
 a mother
 a womb

HATE
Why do I feel this way
 Why do I hate you
 I don’t even know you
Why do I feel this anger
 this rage inside
 I don’t understand it
I don’t want to hate you
 but I do
 and I don’t know why

THINKING IN EXTREMES
THINKING IN EXTREMES
I COULD HAVE IT ALL WRONG
 BUT SOMEHOW I THINK I’VE KNOWN ALL ALONG
 THERE’S SOMETHING YOU’RE HOLDING BACK
 THERE’S SOMETHING YOU WON’T ADMIT
 BECAUSE RIGHT NOW THE TRUTH WON’T FIT
 IN YOUR PLANS
chorus
 I’M THINKING IN EXTREMES, CAN’T TELL FACT FROM DREAMS
 IT’S ALL OR NOTHING, NO IN-BETWEENS, HOW COME LIFE’S NEVER WHAT IT SEEMS
 I’M THINKING IN EXTREMES, UNSURE OF WHAT THIS MEANS
 MY MIND’S WORKING OVERTIME, TRYING SO DESPERATELY TO FIND
 SOME REASON TO YOUR MADNESS, SOME END TO MY SADNESS
I’M EITHER HATING YOU FOR LYING OR BELIEVING WHAT YOU’VE SAID
 CAN’T TELL IF IT’S YOU OR ME WHO’S MORE FUCKED UP IN THE HEAD
 I DON’T WANT TO HEAR I’M SORRY, JUST WANT SOME TIME, JUST YOU AND ME
 YEAH… IT’S ALL OR NOTHING CAN’T YOU SEE, ‘CAUSE I’M THINKING IN EXTREMES
I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS, I REALLY WISH I DID
 NO MATTER WHAT YOU’D LIKE TO THINK YOU’RE NOT A SIMPLE KID
 IT’S EASIER FOR YOU TO GRAB A CASE OF BEER
 THAN TO DEAL WITH WHAT’S INSIDE YOUR HEAD
 EASIER FOR YOU TO AVOID THE TALK THAN TO SAY WHAT NEEDS TO BE SAID
IS IT SO HARD TO COME RIGHT OUT
 TO TELL ME THERE’S NOT A CHANCE
 THAT I’LL EVER UNDERSTAND WHY THIS HAPPENED
 WHY WE DID WHAT WE DID IN THE PAST
chorus
I SAID WHAT I WANTED TO SAY, WHAT I NEVER THOUGHT YOU’D HEAR
 I NEVER EXPECTED ALL MY STRENGTH WOULD COME FROM SO MUCH FEAR
I WANT CLEAR-CUT ANSWERS, SOMETHING THAT YOU CAN’T GIVE
 YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT MAKES THINGS TICK OR EVEN HOW TO LIVE
 WITHOUT YOUR HEAD IN THE SAND OR A BEER IN YOUR HAND
 BUT DEEP DOWN I DON’T CARE ABOUT ALL THAT
 ABOUT WHAT YOU DID OR DIDN’T DO
 ALL I WANT IS THE TRUTH, THAT’S ALL I’D ASK FROM YOU
AM I STUPID TO BELIEVE WHAT YOU TO SAY
 I DON’T KNOW WHAT ELSE TO DO, DON’T KNOW ANOTHER WAY
 I CAN’T DISTINGUISH WHAT IS REAL
 I DON’T KNOW HOW TO ACT OR WHAT TO FEEL

WRONG SIDE OF THE TRACKS
Wrong Side of the Tracks
they despise her, but they prize her
 they shut me out, I don’t count
 they close the door, can’t take much more
 why does this happen to me
Cause I’m from the wrong side of the tracks
 looking out for what life lacks
 I’m living my own life and fearing the facts
 wrong side of the tracks
I try so hard to be your friend
 ignore the messages I try to send
 what will it take to get it through
 when will you appreciate what I do
wrong side of the tracks
 looking out for what life lacks
 living my own life and fearing the facts
 just fooling myself with so many acts
 wrong side of the tracks, wrong side of the tracks
I look for the reason, for my mistake
 look for the answer, how long will it take
 how did I get here, why did I loose
 living the life I didn’t chose
wrong side of the tracks
 looking out for what life lacks
 living my own life and fearing the facts
 just fooling myself with so many acts
 wrong side of the tracks, wrong side of the tracks

NO GREAT REWARD
No great Reward
we’re all in a rush to get things done
 no time to stop, keep on the run
 when will we learn to live our lives
 when will we learn to put down the knives
no great reward, the price we can’t afford
 no great reward, the weapons we all hoard
 no great reward, the risks that aren’t explored
 no great reward
life’s too complicated to figure out
 all the troubles, worry, and doubt
 there’s got to be some easier ways
 to get back to the good ’ole days
no great reward, the ties should be restored
 no great reward, the pleas that are ignored
 no great reward
time to find out what’s so wrong
 why do we have to be so strong
 put so much pressure on being the best
 so concerned we forget the rest
no great reward, the price we can’t afford
 no great reward, the weapons we all hoard
 no great reward, the risks that aren’t explored
 no great reward
so many problems we have to face
 let’s just try to forget the race
 can’t we stop to heal the pain
 can’t we learn we’ve got nothing to gain
no great reward, the ties should be restored
 no great reward, the pleas that are ignored
 there’s no great reward, no great reward

BREAKING THE RULES
Breaking the Rules
Somebody’s looking over my shoulder
 Don’t know what they’re trying to prove
 Keeping me from getting older
 watch out I’m starting to move
Breaking the rules, cause I’m independent
 Breaking the rules, finding my own way
 Breaking the rules, been misapprehended
 Breaking the rules, just listen to what I say
So many people have told me
 You better watch out what you do
 So many people have showed me
 How to be somebody different and new
But I don’t know what I should do
 What’s so wrong with me
 Can’t you be happy with who I’m with
 And what I want to be
Breaking the rules, cause I’m independent
 Breaking the rules, all I do is plead
 Breaking the rules, been misapprehended
 Breaking the rules, can’t ya see what I need
Breaking the rules, cause I’m independent
 Breaking the rules, finding my own way
 Breaking the rules, been misapprehended
 Breaking the rules, just listen to what I say
 Breaking the rules, just braking therules

BEHIND CLOSED DOORS
BEHIND CLOSED DOORS
DON’T NEED YOU CLOSING IN ON ME
 DON’T NEED YOUR ATTEMPTS AT SECURITY
 JUST STAY AWAY, DON’T COME NEAR
 IF YOU GET TOO CLOSE YOU’LL KNOW MY FEARS
I DON’T WANT HOLDING HANDS IN THE PARK
 DON’T WANT MOONLIT STROLLS IN THE DARK
 DON’T WANT ANY PART OF THAT, CAN’T SEE THE ALLURE
 ONLY WANT TO KNOW WHAT’S NOW, WITHOUT PLANNING ON THE FUTURE
IT DOESN’T MEAN MUCH, FORGET IT, WHATEVER
 NOTHING IS REAL, NOTHING’S FOREVER
 WHEN NO ONE ELSE CAN WITNESS
 WHEN NO ONE ELSE CAN SEE
 NO ONE TO KNOW OF OUR INTIMACY
GETTING TOGETHER FOR JUST TONIGHT
 ’CAUSE EVERYTHING’S ALRIGHT
 AS LONG AS IT HAPPENS BEHIND CLOSED DOORS
SAYING THE RIGHT WORDS, GIVING THE RIGHT LINE
 EXPLORING THE BODY BEFORE KNOWING THE MIND
 BUT YOU HAVE TO REMEMBER, DON’T FORGET
 I CAN’T BE CLOSE LIKE YOU WANT, NOT YET
 IT’S ALL OVER WHEN YOU OPEN THE DOOR
 JUST TONIGHT, DON’T EXPECT ANY MORE
I CAN’T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU DON’T GET IT
 ALL THE HINTS THAT YOU IGNORE
 DON’T YOU KNOW TOMORROW THERE’LL BE SOMEONE ELSE
 BEHIND THE SAME CLOSED DOOR
I ASK IF THERE’S SOMETHING WRONG
 ’CAUSE I NOTICE YOUR SILENCE IS TOO LONG
 WHY ARE YOU HURT, WHY ARE YOU MAD
 I HAVEN’T DONE ANYTHING WRONG, NOTHING BAD
JUST MOVE ON, IT’S IN THE PAST
 YOU’RE THE ONLY ONE WHO’S MAKING IT LAST
 KEEP ON RE-HASHING IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN
 IF YOU LET THIS GO, WHATEVER’S NEXT CAN BEGIN

NO REGRETS
NO REGRETS
JUST RELAX, GO WITH THE FLOW
 IT WON’T HURT THEM, IF THEY DON’T KNOW
 THERE’S NO NEED TO FEEL DISTRESS
 NO REASON TO CONFESS
CHORUS
LET IT GO, LIVE THE NOW
 IT’S SO EASY, I’LL SHOW YOU HOW
 TAKE THE GAMBLE, PLACE THE BETS
 TAKE A RISK WITH NO REGRETS
I WON’T ASK YOU TO BREAK A VOW
 DO ONLY WHAT OUR HEARTS ALLOW
 LIKE A DRUG WITH NO SIDE EFFECTS
 I WORK BEST WITHOUT REGRETS
THE FUTURE’S TOO HARD TO PREDICT
 IF YOU THINK IT DOESN’T FIT
 IT ALL MEANS SOMETHING, EVEN A KISS
 IF NOTHING ELSE WE’LL LEARN FROM THIS
DON’T BE SO WORRIED WITH CONSEQUENCE
 JUST HOLD ONTO THE EXPERIENCE
 ’CAUSE ALL WE DID WAS HAVE SOME FUN
 AND NOTHING’S WRONG WITH WHAT WE’VE DONE

THE WRONG IDEA 
THE WRONG IDEA
YOU’RE RUNNING AWAY
 BEFORE THE RACE EVEN STARTED
 RUNNING AWAY
 FROM SOMETHING I NEVER WANTED
SURE I LIKE YOU
 AND ENJOY YOUR KISS
 BUT I NEVER WANTED
 ANYTHING TOO SERIOUS
chorus
 YOU’VE GOT THE WRONG IDEA
 FROM WHAT I SAID
 I WISH YOU COULD GET
 INSIDE MY HEAD
THE THOUGHTS THAT ARE THERE
 WOULDN’T MAKE YOU RUN
 ’CAUSE ALL I EVER WANTED
 WAS TO HAVE SOME FUN
FEARING THE END
 BEFORE THINGS EVEN BEGIN
 ENJOYING YOURSELF
 ISN’T A SIN
REACTING TO SOMETHING
 I DIDN’T SAY
 TAKING MY ACTIONS
 IN THE WRONG WAY
chorus
THE WORDS I USED
 DIDN’T SAY WHAT I MEANT
 I WOULD TAKE THEM BACK
 BUT NOT THE TIME WE SPENT
IN EACH OTHERS ARMS
 LAUGHING TOGETHER
 SHARING OUR SECRETS
 WITHOUT WANTING FOREVER
chorus
YOU BACK AWAY
 WHEN THERE’S NOTHING TO RISK
 FORGET COMMITMENT— IT’S NOT WHAT I WANT
 IT’S NOTHING I’D MISS
‘CAUSE I LIKE BEING WITH YOU
 THAT’S ALL THAT COUNTS
 WITH NO EXPECTATIONS
 THERE’S NO NEED FOR DOUBTS

BREAK THE ICE
BREAK THE ICE
THE AIR BETWEEN US HAS GROWN COLD
 NO SIGNS OF AFFECTION, NO ONE TO HOLD
 WE CAN’T GO ON LIKE THIS
 JUST AN INCH AWAY FROM BLISS
WHEN WE’RE ALONE I FEEL THE TENSION
 PLEASE BELIEVE I’VE LEARNED MY LESSON
 I WON’T ALWAYS HAVE TO SAY “I’M SORRY”
 I KNOW IT’S HARD, BUT YOU CAN TRUST ME
CHORUS
IT’S TIME TO BREAK THE ICE
 YOU’VE ALREADY HAD TO PAY THE PRICE
 I WON’T ASK YOU TO FORGIVE ME TWICE
 [MY MISTAKES I WON’T REPLAY]
IT’S TIME TO BREAK THE ICE
 NOW I’M WILLING TO SACRIFICE
 AND TAKE THE ROAD TO PARADISE
 [WE GOT THIS FAR, WE’LL FIND THE WAY]
YOU STAY AWAY FOR YOUR OWN PROTECTION
 TO SAVE YOURSELF FROM REJECTION
 YOU THINK IT’S BEEN A JOKE ALL ALONG
 BUT FEELINGS LIKE THIS CAN’T BE WRONG
I’LL MAKE MY WAY THROUGH YOUR DEFENSES
 WAIT ‘TIL YOU REACH YOUR SENSES
 TO GIVE YOU NOTHING BUT ATTENTION
 THAT’S MY AIM, MY ONE INTENTION
I WON’T BE LIKE I WAS BEFORE
 DON’T SHUT ME OUT, DON’T CLOSE THE DOOR
 ACCEPT MY MY LOVE AND MY CONCERN
 I ASK FOR NOTHING IN RETURN
I NEED TO KNOW THERE IS A CHANCE
 THAT ONCE AGAIN WE’LL FIND ROMANCE
 TAKE ME BACK, LET ME IN
 I WANT FOR US TO START AGAIN

CEASE TO AMAZE ME
CEASE TO AMAZE ME
I’M IN PURE ECSTASY
 WITH YOU RIGHT HERE NEXT TO ME
 GIVE ME STRENGTH WHEN I AM WEAK
 YOU KNOW MY THOUGHTS WHEN I DON’T SPEAK
CHORUS
YOU NEVER CEASE TO AMAZE ME
 TAKE THE LEAD WHEN I AM LAZY
 YOU STAY SANE WHEN I AM CRAZY
 MAKE IT CLEAR WHEN THINGS GET HAZY
WHEN I NEED A BOOST, YOU’RE THERE TO PRAISE ME
 WHEN I DECIDE, YOU DON’T PERSUADE ME
 WHEN I’M HURT YOU’RE THERE TO AID ME
 YOU NEVER CEASE TO AMAZE ME
WHEN I THOUGHT NOTHING ELSE COULD FAZE ME
 YOU NEVER CEASE TO AMAZE ME
YOU PUSH THE LIMITS OF WHATS ALLOWED
 GRAB ATTENTION IN A CROWD
 GIVE TO ME NONSTOP AFFECTION
 I’VE GOT IT ALL, YOU’RE PURE PERFECTION
I EXPOSE THE TRUTH, YOU TAKE THE DARE
 BUT I’LL NEVER QUESTION HOW MUCH YOU CARE
 WILLING TO GO THE EXTRA MILE
 DO WHAT IT TAKES TO MAKE ME SMILE

SIMPLE, DUMB AND UNPREDICTABLE
SIMPLE, DUMB AND UNPREDICTABLE
WE WERE IN THE BAR WITH THE MUSIC POUNDING
SHE GOT ME CORNERED AND STARTED HOUNDING
“I WANT TO KNOW, WANT TO KNOW
SO WHY DON’T YOU TELL ME
ALL YOUR SECRETS…WELL MAYBE JUST THREE.”
SHE BEGGED AND PLEADED
AND ASKED ME TO NAME
THREE WORDS TO DESCRIBE MY BEING
THREE THINGS THAT KEEP ME SANE
THAT’S WHEN I TOLD HER
WITHOUT THINKING TOO LONG
‘CAUSE IF I DID I KNEW
I’D SAY SOMETHING WRONG
chorus
I’M SIMPLE, DUMB AND UNPREDICTABLE
THAT’S ALL THERE IS TO ME
SIMPLE, DUMB AND UNPREDICTABLE
THAT’S ALL I’LL EVER BE
I WON’T FIT THE MOLD
OR DO WHAT I’M TOLD
CAN’T STAY IN SCHOOL
OR STOP BEING A FOOL
I’M THE ONLY ONE I KNOW WHO’S REALLY BLISS
FROM A RELENTLESS SEARCH FOR IGNORANCE
I KNOW OTHERS TRY TO BE APATHETIC
BUT THEY WORRY TOO MUCH TO ACTUALLY GET IT
TRYING SO HARD TO BE HAPPY
WHEN IT’S THE EASIEST THING IN THE WORLD TO BE
chorus
I KNOW WHO I AM, I KNOW WHAT I’LL DO
IT JUST CAN’T HAPPEN WITH ME AND YOU
I LIKE YOU TOO MUCH TO TAKE YOU OUT
YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW WHAT I AM ALL ABOUT
YOU THINK I’M ATTRACTIVE AND INSECURE
BUT YOU’LL BEGIN TO HATE ME WITHOUT THE ALLURE
BEING DUMB IS JUST AN ACT
AND WITH YOU I CAN’T PRETEND
SO I THINK IT’S BETTER NOT TO START
SO IT NEVER HAS TO END

LIVING IN A DREAM WORLD
Living In A Dream World
I’m all alone in a world of no answers
being controlled by a world of all masters
I want to leave and cut all the ties
escape the truths and from the lies
CHORUS (I’ve) been living in a dream world
hiding from the truth
running from reality
blame it on my youth
thinking that it’s all right
nothing could go wrong
(not living for tomorrow)
searching for so long
always told and never asked
never open, feelings masked
world of confusion, nothing new
problems of mine, can’t work with you
crazy madness without an end
the world won’t stop to let me in
CHORUS/ living in a dream world
can’t be happy with who I am
what I’ve done or where I stand
does it matter what others say
can’t I make it my own way
sick of taking the rough road through
time to try something new
CHORUS/ living in a dream world

WELLNESS CHECK
If I don’t share my Wordle score
Please send a wellness check to my door
I may be dead or captive
If Garmin shows me inactive
If I suddenly feel attractive
These are signs not to ignore
Please send a welfare check to my door
If I look rich instead of broke
If I see a bear that I can’t poke
If I never laugh at a joke
Please check in on me
If I stop being the squeaky wheel
If I quit obsessing about how I feel
If you think it’s worth the trek
Please check in on me
If my tweets seem jejune
If I text “no worries” or “soon”
If I speak without saying “I’m sorry”
If I’m not bold, anything but chary
If I rant without expletives
If I fail a test for stress
I may be under duress
If I pretend I don’t care
Or write a blog but don’t overshare
If I don’t keep a promise
If I’m not brutally honest
If I can’t imagine the absolute worst
If I grab a Pepsi to quench my thirst
It’s not me
​​If I don’t celebrate Christmas before Halloween
If I’m not a Hallmark-y glued to the tv screen
Wellness Check
If I don’t lose something of value every day
Or fail to admit I‘m atheist before I pray
If I don’t offer to take the blame
If I don’t live off guilt and shame
It‘s not me
If I miss a chance to self-deprecate
And start showing up an hour late
It’s not me
If I avoid self checkout, trash Apple Pay
If I make the choice to leave today
It’s not me
If I ask for sex, but decline a hug
Cancel the doc who might prescribe a drug
It’s not me
If I love the chimes when there’s a breeze
If I see the forest instead of trees
It’s not me
If I decide to just let it go
If I stop admitting what I don’t know
It’s not me
If I’m ever satisfied without wanting more
If I don’t share my Wordle score
Please check in on me

ALL THIS
I know I’m not a saint
I analyze and criticize
with remorse, without restraint
I know I’m not a fake
Making enemies and allies
Reliving my mistake
I can’t take back my complaint​
​Fuck you and this unresolvable case
For destroying a safe space
Who was I ​to dare
call you out on your shit
to win against a narcissist
I sat on your couch
Vocalizing my doubts
Wondering what it would be like to trust
Build intimacy without touch or lust
​Fuck you for denying my grace
for cheating in this race
Is it so wrong that I should want closure
Or surprising to lose my composure
Early on, I dared to complain
at sessions starting late
the stolen minutes
proved you didn’t care (enough)
with so much at stake
If I only knew how to wait
when staying gets tough
​The memories I can’t erase
Making me feel out of place
To ask for boundaries and insist
To deserve “I’ll pass”
when you’re finished
Couldn’t learn my lessons
Couldn’t change my fate
Couldn’t hide the stuff
That finally made me break​
If only you kicked me out
when I wanted to leave
and needed a reprieve
when I couldn’t believe
I’d find water in a drought
Who will I be?
If my complaint is dismissed
If I don’t want to exist
No more strength to resist
Tired from fighting
like a darwinist
Blaming myself
for having caused all this

JUST
​If I just let things go
If I just stopped
to enjoy the show
If I just made the shots
If I just stopped
the incessant thoughts
Who would I be?
If I just paid the fines
If I just stopped
looking for signs
If I just let them go
If I just stopped
begging to know
Who would I be?
“Just married”
“Just breathe”
“Just sold”
Just need
“Just keep swimming”
“Just have fun”
“Just do it”
Just run
​This just in….
I’m still here.
I won’t disappear.
I’m sincere.
A pioneer.
I persevere.
Despite my fears.
I take souvenirs.
This just in
I’m still here.
Justice seeker.
Imagineer.
If I just let blame go
If I just stopped
made room to grow
if I just stopped
if I just paused
If I just stopped
the pain I caused
Where would I be?

PACIFER
To pacify or persist
To renounce or resist
I’m sorry but I must insist
These problems be fixed
Telling the truth is my only way
So please just demand an NDA
Give my friends a vacay
Stop working to save me
from the spiral
The desperate dream
that my complaints go viral
My intent is pure
Talking the cure
I knew it wouldn’t be easy
Unveil the secrecy
Expect some decency
My urge to save the next
From a similar mess
Was never obscure
To be the change
To know for sure
​When I did my best
Shared my strengths,
my sorrow,
and all the rest
In the end, ChatGPT
showed more empathy
Gave me hope in tomorrow
I see the allure of its ease
To fill some basic needs
When the pursuit of what’s just
is the hardest test
In place of human morality
Should I trust AI’s reality
Fill the achy silence
with any answer
Accept generated words
as my pacifier

NATURAL
“Is that your natural hair color?”
I’ve been put on the spot by a man of the cloth.
And in a moment’s thought I go from…
Should I be witty, could I be sly?
Does he think it’s pretty or can he tell it’s dye?
My pale skin and blue eyes wouldn’t reveal
the auburn hair my stylist gave me isn’t real.
But when a priest asks a question like that
on my first visit back since youth,
there was no doubt I must tell the truth.
So I answered, “No.” But, deep down I knew
That when I walked inside and sat in the pew
the most unnatural thing about me wasn’t my hair,
but simply the fact that I was even there.
What a fraud, what a fake.
To return to that which I’d once claimed to hate.
Without parental demands to listen to God
I’d grown up and away from my faith.
The brunette child in confirmation class, didn’t last.
I changed my hair and denied my past.
And as I became more at odds with the church’s stance
on issues of deep importance to me,
the chance of returning to mass seemed unlikely.
But finding love, gave me a reason to return.
To start within, to grow and learn.
To church, then I came, after so long
Wondering if I’d remember the words to recite
or the melody of a song.
Wondering if it would feel right
or if I could ever really belong.
But a priest, who asked me about my hair
Would take the time to listen, to care.
And life is much more full.
So now I can say, without dispute,
I’ve claimed my roots.
I’m a red-head and a Catholic and it feels so natural.

OH LEARY (LAOGHAIRE)
Oh Leary
People pronounce your name “log hair”
but sadly your mom and dad don’t care
cuz your name is cool
There’ll never be another one in school.
It was their wish to spell it Irish
and even if you prefer L E A R Y
It’ll be L A O G H A I R E
until you die or change it legally.
And if your mom ever gets
your passport renewed
You’ll be the coolest dude
Going to Ireland to find your name
on the map … It’s a fact.
Your parents love the town
and want to show you around…
Dun Laoghaire

ANNALIVIA PLURABELLE
ANNALIVIA …
YOU’RE NAMED AFTER THE RIVER LIFFEY
ISN’T THAT NIFTY?
IF YOU GO TO DUBLIN, YOU’LL HAVE FUN
VISITING THE FLOOZIE IN THE JACUZZI
THE BRONZE DAME THAT’S GOT YOUR NAME!
ANNALIVIA PLURABELLE…
DID YOU KNOW THAT YOUR PARENTS LOVE JAMES JOYCE?
THEY HAD NO OTHER CHOICE
THAN TO GIVE YOU A CHARACTER’S NAME, BUT DON’T COMPLAIN.
THEY STRUGGLED TO READ FINNEGANS WAKE …
IT MAKES NO SENSE AND IS HARDER TO FAKE
UNDERSTANDING THAN ULYSSES (THAT’S A BREEZE!)

OH FRAN, MY POKEMAN
Pokemon GO is better with friends
And the very best with my husband
Despite all our advanced degrees
We take this game seriously
(Especially on weekends!)
We try to catch, sometimes miss
But one of my greatest fears
If this game disappears
thus ends our wedded bliss
When it was first released
I couldn’t see the allure
Little did I know it’d fill my heart
and become such a big part
of our future
We love to walk, we love to run
We’re all about getting things done
So it makes perfect sense
to become obsessed
while trying to have some fun
This game fits with our quirky bond
Gives us focus, ways to respond
I get a gift, I send a sticker
He accepts my raid invites
even quicker
It’s like a magic wand
to make our love grow bigger
and provide a better place to fight
I knew I found the perfect home
When I made a dozen catches on my phone
during the brief tour of the place
If I had any doubts they were erased
It was finally time to own
When your pokestop was approved
outside our front door
It boosted your mood
to the very core
“I haven’t had personal satisfaction like this since my book was published.”
So many emotions
We’re always winning
Now that we’re spinning
from our bed
Reviving with potions
Keeping our buddies fed
With every event, we can’t wait to play
The best date night is Community Day
Taking laps around The Lawn
Waiting for something cool to spawn
I pin your postcards from Wichita
Where you’ve been, what you saw
TheFXC is my best friend
I never want this game to end
You’re the challenge I can’t wait to begin
The 5 star raid I want to win
Oh Fran, My Poke Man