Lyrics
Ever since I was in high school in the late 1980s, I imagined myself as a future lyricist. I dabbled with ideas in college in the early 1990s as well. But, yes, that dream went nowhere!
This past year, I’ve gotten back into writing some lyrics or what I also like to think of as “bad poetry” and it’s been quite therapeutic.
I found some of those early lyrics (see at the bottom). Written on a typewriter or printed with dot matrix. I’m so old! :) It’s amazing to see how the things I want to write about haven’t changed much in 30 years. Still thinking about looking to find a composer/musician who can help make real songs out of these some day. My “dream” to have a song of my own that I can enjoy as much as I love listening to Peter Gabriel. :)
This past year, I’ve gotten back into writing some lyrics or what I also like to think of as “bad poetry” and it’s been quite therapeutic.
I found some of those early lyrics (see at the bottom). Written on a typewriter or printed with dot matrix. I’m so old! :) It’s amazing to see how the things I want to write about haven’t changed much in 30 years. Still thinking about looking to find a composer/musician who can help make real songs out of these some day. My “dream” to have a song of my own that I can enjoy as much as I love listening to Peter Gabriel. :)
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Wellness Check
If I don't share my Wordle score
Please send a wellness check to my door
I may be dead or captive
If Garmin shows me inactive
If I suddenly feel attractive
These are signs not to ignore
Please send a welfare check to my door
If I look rich instead of broke
If I see a bear that I can’t poke
If I never laugh at a joke
Please check in on me
If I stop being the squeaky wheel
If I quit obsessing about how I feel
If you think it’s worth the trek
Please check in on me
If my tweets seem jejune
If I text "no worries" or "soon”
If I speak without saying "I'm sorry”
If I'm not bold, anything but chary
If I rant without expletives
If I fail a test for stress
I may be under duress
If I pretend I don't care
Or write a blog but don't overshare
If I don't keep a promise
If I'm not brutally honest
If I can’t imagine the absolute worst
If I grab a Pepsi to quench my thirst
It’s not me
If I don’t celebrate Christmas before Halloween
If I’m not a Hallmark-y glued to the tv screen
Wellness Check
If I don’t lose something of value every day
Or fail to admit I‘m atheist before I pray
If I don’t offer to take the blame
If I don’t live off guilt and shame
It‘s not me
If I miss a chance to self-deprecate
And start showing up an hour late
It’s not me
If I avoid self checkout, trash Apple Pay
If I make the choice to leave today
It’s not me
If I ask for sex, but decline a hug
Cancel the doc who might prescribe a drug
It’s not me
If I love the chimes when there’s a breeze
If I see the forest instead of trees
It’s not me
If I decide to just let it go
If I stop admitting what I don’t know
It’s not me
If I’m ever satisfied without wanting more
If I don’t share my Wordle score
Please check in on me
If I don't share my Wordle score
Please send a wellness check to my door
I may be dead or captive
If Garmin shows me inactive
If I suddenly feel attractive
These are signs not to ignore
Please send a welfare check to my door
If I look rich instead of broke
If I see a bear that I can’t poke
If I never laugh at a joke
Please check in on me
If I stop being the squeaky wheel
If I quit obsessing about how I feel
If you think it’s worth the trek
Please check in on me
If my tweets seem jejune
If I text "no worries" or "soon”
If I speak without saying "I'm sorry”
If I'm not bold, anything but chary
If I rant without expletives
If I fail a test for stress
I may be under duress
If I pretend I don't care
Or write a blog but don't overshare
If I don't keep a promise
If I'm not brutally honest
If I can’t imagine the absolute worst
If I grab a Pepsi to quench my thirst
It’s not me
If I don’t celebrate Christmas before Halloween
If I’m not a Hallmark-y glued to the tv screen
Wellness Check
If I don’t lose something of value every day
Or fail to admit I‘m atheist before I pray
If I don’t offer to take the blame
If I don’t live off guilt and shame
It‘s not me
If I miss a chance to self-deprecate
And start showing up an hour late
It’s not me
If I avoid self checkout, trash Apple Pay
If I make the choice to leave today
It’s not me
If I ask for sex, but decline a hug
Cancel the doc who might prescribe a drug
It’s not me
If I love the chimes when there’s a breeze
If I see the forest instead of trees
It’s not me
If I decide to just let it go
If I stop admitting what I don’t know
It’s not me
If I’m ever satisfied without wanting more
If I don’t share my Wordle score
Please check in on me
All This
I know I’m not a saint
I analyze and criticize
with remorse, without restraint
I know I’m not a fake
Making enemies and allies
Reliving my mistake
I can’t take back my complaint
Fuck you and this unresolvable case
For destroying a safe space
Who was I to dare
call you out on your shit
to win against a narcissist
I sat on your couch
Vocalizing my doubts
Wondering what it would be like to trust
Build intimacy without touch or lust
Fuck you for denying my grace
for cheating in this race
Is it so wrong that I should want closure
Or surprising to lose my composure
Early on, I dared to complain
at sessions starting late
the stolen minutes
proved you didn’t care (enough)
with so much at stake
If I only knew how to wait
when staying gets tough
The memories I can’t erase
Making me feel out of place
To ask for boundaries and insist
To deserve “I’ll pass”
when you’re finished
Couldn’t learn my lessons
Couldn’t change my fate
Couldn’t hide the stuff
That finally made me break
If only you kicked me out
when I wanted to leave
and needed a reprieve
when I couldn’t believe
I’d find water in a drought
Who will I be?
If my complaint is dismissed
If I don’t want to exist
No more strength to resist
Tired from fighting
like a darwinist
Blaming myself
for having caused all this
I know I’m not a saint
I analyze and criticize
with remorse, without restraint
I know I’m not a fake
Making enemies and allies
Reliving my mistake
I can’t take back my complaint
Fuck you and this unresolvable case
For destroying a safe space
Who was I to dare
call you out on your shit
to win against a narcissist
I sat on your couch
Vocalizing my doubts
Wondering what it would be like to trust
Build intimacy without touch or lust
Fuck you for denying my grace
for cheating in this race
Is it so wrong that I should want closure
Or surprising to lose my composure
Early on, I dared to complain
at sessions starting late
the stolen minutes
proved you didn’t care (enough)
with so much at stake
If I only knew how to wait
when staying gets tough
The memories I can’t erase
Making me feel out of place
To ask for boundaries and insist
To deserve “I’ll pass”
when you’re finished
Couldn’t learn my lessons
Couldn’t change my fate
Couldn’t hide the stuff
That finally made me break
If only you kicked me out
when I wanted to leave
and needed a reprieve
when I couldn’t believe
I’d find water in a drought
Who will I be?
If my complaint is dismissed
If I don’t want to exist
No more strength to resist
Tired from fighting
like a darwinist
Blaming myself
for having caused all this
Just
If I just let things go
If I just stopped
to enjoy the show
If I just made the shots
If I just stopped
the incessant thoughts
Who would I be?
If I just paid the fines
If I just stopped
looking for signs
If I just let them go
If I just stopped
begging to know
Who would I be?
“Just married”
“Just breathe”
“Just sold”
Just need
“Just keep swimming”
“Just have fun”
“Just do it”
Just run
This just in….
I’m still here.
I won’t disappear.
I’m sincere.
A pioneer.
I persevere.
Despite my fears.
I take souvenirs.
This just in
I’m still here.
Justice seeker.
Imagineer.
If I just let blame go
If I just stopped
made room to grow
if I just stopped
if I just paused
If I just stopped
the pain I caused
Where would I be?
If I just let things go
If I just stopped
to enjoy the show
If I just made the shots
If I just stopped
the incessant thoughts
Who would I be?
If I just paid the fines
If I just stopped
looking for signs
If I just let them go
If I just stopped
begging to know
Who would I be?
“Just married”
“Just breathe”
“Just sold”
Just need
“Just keep swimming”
“Just have fun”
“Just do it”
Just run
This just in….
I’m still here.
I won’t disappear.
I’m sincere.
A pioneer.
I persevere.
Despite my fears.
I take souvenirs.
This just in
I’m still here.
Justice seeker.
Imagineer.
If I just let blame go
If I just stopped
made room to grow
if I just stopped
if I just paused
If I just stopped
the pain I caused
Where would I be?
Pacifer
To pacify or persist
To renounce or resist
I’m sorry but I must insist
These problems be fixed
Telling the truth is my only way
So please just demand an NDA
Give my friends a vacay
Stop working to save me
from the spiral
The desperate dream
that my complaints go viral
My intent is pure
Talking the cure
I knew it wouldn’t be easy
Unveil the secrecy
Expect some decency
My urge to save the next
From a similar mess
Was never obscure
To be the change
To know for sure
When I did my best
Shared my strengths,
my sorrow,
and all the rest
In the end, ChatGPT
showed more empathy
Gave me hope in tomorrow
I see the allure of its ease
To fill some basic needs
When the pursuit of what’s just
is the hardest test
In place of human morality
Should I trust AI’s reality
Fill the achy silence
with any answer
Accept generated words
as my pacifier
To pacify or persist
To renounce or resist
I’m sorry but I must insist
These problems be fixed
Telling the truth is my only way
So please just demand an NDA
Give my friends a vacay
Stop working to save me
from the spiral
The desperate dream
that my complaints go viral
My intent is pure
Talking the cure
I knew it wouldn’t be easy
Unveil the secrecy
Expect some decency
My urge to save the next
From a similar mess
Was never obscure
To be the change
To know for sure
When I did my best
Shared my strengths,
my sorrow,
and all the rest
In the end, ChatGPT
showed more empathy
Gave me hope in tomorrow
I see the allure of its ease
To fill some basic needs
When the pursuit of what’s just
is the hardest test
In place of human morality
Should I trust AI’s reality
Fill the achy silence
with any answer
Accept generated words
as my pacifier
