I highly recommend “Safe Home” on Hulu. I watched it because I loved Aisha Dee in “The Bold Type”. The theme is spot on: “There are two types of people in this world. Those who think family violence would never happen to them … and those who know it could happen to anyone.” I never experienced physical abuse, but I have been the victim of therapy abuse. I was silent about it for years, then finally filed a complaint with VA Dept of Health Professions in September 2020. I started posting about my experience on my blog in 2021 (206870), but didn’t make a public Google review warning others until 2022. In December 2023 he surrendered his right to renew license to avoid a formal hearing in which I was subpoenaed and prepared to testify. Yesterday a post was made about my former therapist on Reddit and it included a link to the consent order. I checked it again this morning and 6 people have shared their own experiences or information about inappropriate and unprofessional behavior from friends or colleagues. 😮 I am so grateful that I had the strength and evidence to stop him from harming others. He might have told current clients he was retiring, but he failed to tell them it was a choice to avoid disciplinary action. In February 2024 the Board unanimously agreed to put certain terms and limitations on his license. He appealed to avoid the indefinite probation of no less than 6 months which would have required him to:
I had two goals when I filed the complaint: 1) protect others 2) create a public record. Even though the consequences do seem “light”, having an official document with a finding of facts was validating for me and at least one other victim. It’s unfortunate that because of COVID-19, staffing issues, and the extent of evidence provided that this case dragged on so long. I often wished he would have just retired when he was notified of the complaint, but he told others that he had no plans of retiring because he enjoyed what he did too much. There’s a tendency to think that abuse (physical, emotional, financial, etc.) can’t happen to us. I’m here to say that abuse has many forms and anyone can be a victim. Too often it’s fear, shame, and guilt that keep us from speaking the truth, but if more people have the courage to expose a bully, an abuser, or a predator, we can protect and strengthen our communities. For years I honestly believed it was “just me” who had this harmful experience in therapy and I tried to minimize the damage it caused me. Now I just wish I could apologize to anyone who I could have saved by speaking up sooner (specifically in 2008 and 2017). I am available to anyone who wants to discuss my case in particular and/or what can’ be done to prevent therapy abuse from occurring and to support victims. Thanks to VDHP for listening to me and for taking my complaint seriously. Responses on Reddit from Anonymous Users: As someone who works in the same profession, [he] was not well regarded. A number of patients experienced unethical treatment and later sought therapy from his treatment. It is my belief he has caused significant harm. There were a number of complaints filed and unfortunately the process took longer than it should have. As of today he is no longer able to practice in the state of Virginia. Just know, you really are not the only one. I've heard about this guy from a friend of mine and he sounds really nasty. [He] was extremely unprofessional. A therapist of mine urged me to file a complaint, but I was too anxious and just wanted to put it behind me. I deeply regret that decision. I was referred to him a couple years ago and left messages with his office to schedule, but never heard back. Shortly afterwards someone in this subreddit said they had experience of him using misogynistic language with them, which put me off trying again. Glad now I didn’t keep trying. Oh my God! I thought it was me! He was so misogynistic I thought I was going crazy. I left when he became sarcastic during multiple sessions. I'm so sorry. That happened to me too. Yeah. My friend saw him and he was describing a therapy session where this guy was really sarcastic. It was weird. Super weird. My responses:
Thanks for sharing your experience as someone in the field. I am Client A and I can confirm that I was not the only one who was harmed. I met another former client whose story is eerily similar to mine. In December I had numerous conversations with the attorney for the Commonwealth to prep me for my testimony in the formal hearing. The reason this case was never dismissed and why it dragged on for over 3 years was because I had substantial evidence. The attorney told me she was “floored” and “astonished” by what she heard in the recordings I shared with her. She also told me there was a 0% chance I was the only one. I felt that same shock and disgust when I learned that it did happen to someone else and heard the details. It’s troubling that so many professionals in Charlottesville knew what was going on, but wouldn’t or couldn’t do anything to protect future victims. I talked to a few after filing my complaint who told me what happened didn’t surprise them and they’d heard things over the years. I even sought help from another therapist in June 2008. He was the one who told me I had been gaslighted and that what happened to me “wasn’t right” and he’d help get me out of it, but for whatever reason he didn’t follow through with the support I needed to leave. He also never suggested I file a complaint with the psychology board. I investigated that option on my own, but didn’t have the strength to come forward. I was terrified of exposing the truth and being blamed for causing it. I am finally sharing my story because therapy abuse is real and it can happen to anyone. Shame and guilt silences so many. Empathic and intelligent people can stay in damaging relationships for many reasons. We rationalize. We analyze. There’s nothing wrong with being a caring person who wants to be cared about. There’s nothing wrong with being a person who is eager to fix things or who works hard to make things right. Even if anonymous users might say negative things about me, I am proud of myself for having the courage to file a complaint with the Department of Health Professions and to submit a Google review with my real name. There were many moments over the past three years when I regretted my decisions and feared there would be no good outcome. I’m so relieved to know my actions have made a difference and helped others. Because I did both of these things, I was able to meet another strong and brave woman who in a very short amount of time has made a huge impact on my life. There is so much power in listening. …… Once he retired the only action the Board could take was concerning his right to renew his license: either revoke or accept his voluntary surrender. After the notice for a formal hearing was issued, there were a few weeks of negotiations between his lawyers and the Commonwealth’s lawyer to reach a settlement to avoid the scheduled hearing. I was hoping for it to be canceled because although it might have been empowering to testify, it could have also been very traumatizing. After 3+ years since talking to the investigator, I just wanted my case to be finally closed. I had two goals when I filed the complaint: 1) protect others 2) create a public record. Even though the consequences do seem “light”, having an official document with a finding of facts was validating for me and at least one other victim. If he didn’t appeal the initial order he would have had to go into therapy himself, attend an in-person CE on suicidal ideation, and enter into individual supervision of his practice indefinitely (a minimum of 6 months). It’s unfortunate that because of COVID-19, staffing issues, and the extent of evidence provided that this case dragged on so long. I often wished he would have just retired when he was notified of the complaint, but he told others that he had no plans of retiring because he enjoyed what he does too much. I recently watched “Safe House” and this stuck with me: “There are two types of people in this world. Those who think family violence would never happen to them … and those who know it could happen to anyone.” There’s a tendency to think that abuse (physical, emotional, financial, sexual, neglect) can’t happen to us. I’m here to say that abuse has many forms and anyone can be a victim. Too often it’s fear, shame, and guilt that keep us from speaking the truth, but if more people have the courage to expose a bully, an abuser, or a predator, we can protect and strengthen our communities. For years I honestly believed it was “just me” who had this harmful experience in therapy and I tried to minimize the damage it caused me. Now I just wish I could apologize to anyone who I could have saved by speaking up sooner (specifically in 2008 and 2017). …… 5 Signs of Narcissistic Therapists (The Ultimate Covert Wolves In Sheep’s Clothing)
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I’m having so much fun helping my husband with his new book project, No Choice But Action: A Critical History of Kansas Postpunk. I get to listen to some cool music and create graphics. I hope to sharpen my skills in making videos and photography as I continue to promote his work! nochoicebutaction.com nochoicebutaction.myspreadshop.com I used to be a competitive runner (BQx4), but now I’m excited to walk with my daughter, to celebrate my husband winning his age group, and to dress up in a traffic cone costume!
Whenever I get WORLDE in one guess, I feel like it’s a sign. I’m one of those people who switches their starting word every day based on my current mood or thoughts at the time I decide to play the game.
Yesterday I was thinking about the end of the year and what stood out the most as I reflected on how I feel now versus January 1, 2023. I learned a lot of new information about a situation that has preoccupied my mind for years. I learned so much about myself with the final resolution of that conflict. And, I have started planning 2024 with new opportunities to learn by signing up for a couple of writing groups so I can hopefully take my experience and create something that could help others and myself. So I typed in LEARN on my Wordle board and it was all green. YES! One of the greatest gifts I received this year was meeting someone who shared a similar experience with me. Our relationship started with a “Thank you” from her to me, but I want to end this year by publicly thanking her as well. I am not alone. When the attorney for the Commonwealth told me there was a “zero percent chance” based on her experience that I was the only one harmed by this therapist, I believed her. It took less than a month to have proof that she was right. On January 8, 2022 I posted a public review on Google indicating that I filed a complaint with the VDHP because I hoped someone who could relate would reach out to me. It worked. I never realized how liberating it would be to finally connect with another woman who knew firsthand what I had gone through in “therapy” because she could have told the same story that I shared with the investigator. It’s heartbreaking to finally know for certain that I wasn’t alone in being hurt by this psychologist, but it’s been a huge relief to accept that there wasn’t something uniquely and inherently wrong with me that allowed it to happen. It wasn’t ME, it was his MO. But this post isn’t about him and the damage he inflicted on at least two people (and undoubtedly many more). It’s about how justice and public accountability in this case finally led to new and valuable connections. Empathic and intelligent people can stay in damaging relationships for many reasons. We can rationalize. We can analyze. There’s nothing wrong with being a caring person who wants to be cared about. There’s nothing wrong with being a person who is eager to fix things or who works hard to make things right. I am so proud of myself for having the courage to file a complaint with the Department of Health Professions and to submit a Google review with my real name. There were many moments over the past three years when I regretted my decisions and feared there would be no good outcome. I’m so relieved to know my actions have made a difference and helped others. Because I did both of these things, I was able to meet another strong and brave woman who in a very short amount of time has made a huge impact on my life. There is so much power in sharing and in listening. I hope 2024 is a year where both of us continue to learn new ways to heal and to grow, to find purpose and to continue moving forward. Thank you to my newest friend. I hadn’t planned on running the half at the final Rivanna Greenbelt Marathon & Half Marathon because I was also directing the race, but wow am I glad I did! I loved making runners (and strangers on the trail) smile with my silly Coney costume and appreciated hearing participants and volunteers say thank you for putting on a great event. This was the 11th race so you’d think by now it would have been routine and relatively stress-free, but because of my anxiety disorder it never got any easier to pull it off. In fact, I think this year was the most difficult because I had put so much pressure on myself to make it the best yet. In October, at nearly the last minute, I made the decision to end it on my own terms. The fact that weeks later I finally received closure in another ongoing event that in many ways was intricately linked to this race made me realize I totally made the right call. I want to start 2024 focusing on new adventures that both challenge me and help me grow. Thanks to all the volunteers and runners who made this year’s race the most special one ever! A lot of times when I race, I force a fake smile for the cameras. On Sunday Natalie Brinton Krovetz captured my pure joy at having achieved what I set out to do with this race back in 2014. I’m so grateful for the experience of being a race director for my own event and can’t wait to finally find a way to tell the story of what this race has meant to me over the past 10 years now that it’s really over.
Special shout out to Ryan Ross, Nicole Brimer, Ellen Houle, Becky Keller, Tommy Safranek, Ragged Mountain Running Shop, Rivanna Trails Foundation, and everyone else who isn’t easily tagged on Facebook. 🙂 Oh and most importantly my other half Malinda Ann Hill 👯TWINS RUN in our family.💕 I was 43 when I created this event in 2014. When the race is finished I look forward to finally working on a short film or multimedia piece about this quirky little event! It’s been a labor of love for 10 years. Thanks to Ellen Houle, Nicole Brimer, Tracey Lynn, Ryan Ross, and Diane Curtis who were there at the very beginning! It’s been a special journey with memories I’ll cherish. 🥰 Thanks to The Women's Initiative for giving me the opportunity to share my story. I’m so grateful that the case referenced in “All This” was finally resolved with a consent order after three years and that I learned of this action by the Virginia Department of Health Profession’s Board of Psychology the same week I received a copy of this book. Thank you!
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