Untouchable Face Remake

​To: Ani DiFranco
From: Leah Connor
Re: Thank you.

Hi! I’m 50 years old and I haven’t written a fan letter to a musician since I was probably 15, but I need to personally reach out to say thank you, Ani. 
​
Long story short, I had a very toxic and damaging relationship with a psychologist from 2007-2020 and when I requested an appointment with him during the throes of COVID-19 he offered me dates, until I insisted on a tele-therapy appointment and then replied, “I’ll pass.”  I reported him to the Department of Health Professionals 40 days later. There was an investigation, I provided evidence, and the report was submitted in December 2020. It’s now February 2022 without any resolution and it’s been unbearable to wait.

I have an MFA in creative writing (2004), but I haven’t written much in the past 20 years. The only thing that helped me get through the roughest days lately was screaming out the chorus of “Untouchable Face.” That’s when I thought, wow I should remake this song especially for me. So I did and this is what I came up with so far:​

I know I’m not a saint 
I analyze and criticize 
with remorse, without restraint
I know I’m not a fake 
Making enemies and allies
Reliving my mistake
I can’t take back my complaint​

​So fuck you
… and this unresolvable case
Fuck you
…for destroying a safe space
And who am I?
​to dare call you out on your shit
I said who am I?
to win against a narcissist

I sat on your couch
Vocalizing my doubts
Wondering what it would be like to trust
Build intimacy without touch or lust

​Except fuck you
… for denying my grace
Fuck you
…for cheating in this race
And who am I?
that I should want closure
I said who am I?
To lose my composure

Early on, I dared to complain
at sessions starting late
the stolen minutes 
proved you didn’t care (enough) 
with so much at stake 
If I only knew how to wait
when staying gets tough
​
Fuck you
…for the memories I can’t erase
Fuck you
…for making me feel out of place
And who am I?
To ask for boundaries and insist
I said who am I?
To deserve “I’ll pass” when you’re finished

Couldn’t learn my lessons
Couldn’t change my fate
Couldn’t hide the stuff
That finally made me break​

If only you kicked me out
when I wanted to leave
and needed a reprieve
when I couldn’t believe
I’d find water in a drought

And who am I?
If my complaint is dismissed
I said who am I?
If I don’t want to exist
I said who am I?
No more strength to resist
Who am I?
Tired from fighting like a darwinist
Who am I?
To blame myself for having caused all this

I am going to write the verses, but that’s going to take a bit more time. Until then, I’ll be singing Fuck you on repeat. :) 

YOUTUBE PLAYLIST

• ​More videos showing the many beautiful hairstyles of Ani :)