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Untouchable Face Remake

2/9/2022

 
​To: Ani DiFranco
From: Leah Connor
Re: Thank you.
Hi! I’m 50 years old and I haven’t written a fan letter to a musician since I was probably 15, but I need to personally reach out to say thank you, Ani. 
​
Long story short, I had a very toxic and damaging relationship with a psychologist from 2007-2020 and when I requested an appointment with him during the throes of COVID-19 he offered me dates, until I insisted on a tele-therapy appointment and then replied, “I’ll pass.”  I reported him to the Department of Health Professionals 40 days later. There was an investigation, I provided evidence, and the report was submitted in December 2020. It’s now February 2022 without any resolution and it’s been unbearable to wait.

I have an MFA in creative writing (2004), but I haven’t written much in the past 20 years. The only thing that helped me get through the roughest days lately was screaming out the chorus of “Untouchable Face.” That’s when I thought, wow I should remake this song especially for me. So I did and this is what I came up with so far:​

I know I’m not a saint 
I analyze and criticize 
with remorse, without restraint
I know I’m not a fake 
Making enemies and allies
Reliving my mistake
I can’t take back my complaint
​


​So fuck you
…
and this unresolvable case

Fuck you
…
for destroying a safe space

And who am I?
​to dare call you out on your shit

I said who am I?
to win against a narcissist


I sat on your couch
Vocalizing my doubts
Wondering what it would be like to trust
Build intimacy without touch or lust


​Except fuck you
…
for denying my grace

Fuck you
…
for cheating in this race

And who am I?
that I should want closure

I said who am I?
To lose my composure


Early on, I dared to complain
at sessions starting late
the stolen minutes 
proved you didn’t care (enough) 
with so much at stake 
If I only knew how to wait
when staying gets tough
​

Fuck you
…
for the memories I can’t erase

Fuck you
…
for making me feel out of place

And who am I?
To ask for boundaries and insist

I said who am I?
To deserve “I’ll pass” when you’re finished


Couldn’t learn my lessons
Couldn’t change my fate
Couldn’t hide the stuff
That finally made me break​

If only you kicked me out
when I wanted to leave
and needed a reprieve
when I couldn’t believe
I’d find water in a drought


And who am I?
If my complaint is dismissed

I said who am I?
If I don’t want to exist

I said who am I?
No more strength to resist

Who am I?
Tired from fighting like a darwinist

Who am I?
To blame myself for having caused all this


I am going to write the verses, but that’s going to take a bit more time. Until then, I’ll be singing Fuck you on repeat. :) 
YOUTUBE PLAYLIST
  • ​More videos showing the many beautiful hairstyles of Ani :) 

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    @leahcville

    1/2 of  @TwinsRun
    Wife of @SportingKyd
    Mom of 2 with James Joyce inspired names
    Director of @RivannaMarathon
    Writer at @agoodgroup
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  • Home
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  • Design Portfolio
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