Listen

​It takes courage
Learn to forgive
To be brave enough to listen
To live and let live
Peter Gabriel, “Live and Let Live” (from the highly anticipated new album “i/o”)

Charlottesville is a small town. It’s even smaller when you have an identical twin who is also active in the community. So the chances of seeing me (or someone who looks a lot like me) are double that of a normal person. If you factor in other variables like she doesn’t drive, I don’t own a car, she has numerous doctor appointments and meetings, and I’m training for a marathon, the likelihood you’ll see one of us randomly walking or running on streets and trails is quite high! 

This is one of the main reasons why I believe if there’s an unresolved conflict, it’s much better to have a planned conversation than an unexpected, awkward interaction. 

Since filing a complaint against a former therapist in September 2020, I’ve seen him in the grocery store at least four times. At the first encounter, I fled in a panic attack, during the last I wished I could have gone up to him to plead that he drop his appeal to the decision of the VDHP so this ordeal would finally be over for the both of us, three years later. 

There are other people I’ve worked with in the past year who I’ve asked to speak with in a facilitated way, but the request was denied. I don’t want to make anyone unnecessarily uncomfortable, but I also don’t like it when I know my words and actions have been misrepresented in a way that affects my reputation and my future. I will always seek clarity, acknowledge my mistakes, offer suggestions for improvement, and be willing to listen. Always. 

During my periods of unemployment, I tried to be as transparent as possible, writing about my struggles with anxiety, being a workaholic, and getting older. In my cover letter, I was honest about who I am in five words. At first, they were:

1. Persistent
2. Creative
3. Helpful
4. Inquisitive
5. Dedicated

By the time I applied for the position I currently hold, I made one change, replacing “Persistent” with “Quirky.” At the time, I felt it was more appropriate to acknowledge that I am unconventional and unorthodox because that’s core to my identity. It didn’t occur to me until quite recently that persistence can be viewed in a negative way by those who’d rather ignore problems than try to fix them.

When I condensed my lengthy resume to one page I prominently displayed those five words and the two quotes I live by:

“Our doubts are traitors, And make us lose the good we oft might win, By fearing to attempt.” –Shakespeare

ALWAYS BE HONEST, BE KIND, BE FRIENDLY
JUST HOW YOU WANT TO BE TREATED

Over the past year, I’ve channeled my ruminations into writing some sad (and, to be honest, probably bad) “lyrics” about all of my feelings regarding the ongoing and unresolved dramas. I’m so grateful to Peter Gabriel for writing a beautiful and uplifting song covering the same themes in a more positive way. “Live and Let Live” has been on repeat quite a bit this week. Thank you so much Peter. I was lucky to be in the front row with my son in Dublin and it was a life-changing experience. I cannot wait to see the i/o tour again in Philly, New York, and DC. 

This is how it turns
This is what we do
This is who we are
When we forgive
We can move on
Release all the shackles
One by one
We belong to the burden
Until it's gonе
Peter Gabriel, “Live and Let Live”