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All Apologies

1/25/2022

 
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I’m one of those people who says “I’m sorry” so easily and so often that I regularly apologize for stuff that isn’t my fault or something that requires no apology.

That’s why I laughed so much during a recent episode of “And Just Like That…” when Charlotte wouldn’t apologize for knocking Harry over during a competitive tennis game. Things got heated when he confronted her with the number of times she says those two words, “I’m sorry,” to other people and she went off on him. Even though I do think he deserved that apology, I loved seeing her passionately explain herself. “Sorry, not sorry.”

As Ali Trachta describes in her review:“As any good marriage counselor will tell you, fights among longtime couples are rarely about the things that initiated them — this one seems to be more about mansplaining, insecurity and society’s expectation that women always apologize.”

I rarely ask for an apology, because, honestly, what’s the point. If someone doesn’t want to then it means absolutely nothing if you force it.

However, there’s one recent situation in which I’ve told multiple people many times that I deserved an apology from specifically named people and still, crickets. And that’s when I think, “Why can’t I even get the bare minimum two word forced apology?” Especially when everyone agrees mistakes were made in how a situation was handled and I deserved one. 

I apologize when it’s difficult and embarrassing, when it means admitting an error or acknowledging inappropriate or unprofessional behavior. For me, accountability is
absolutely necessary especially at work and in personal relationships. I am not perfect and when I screw up or do something I regret, I am compelled to “own it” and apologize even if I’m apologizing for my gut reaction to how someone’s words or actions harmed me. 

At some point I should search my text messages and emails for “I’m sorry” to see how many times I’ve said it when it was actually needed because of something I did and how often I apologize to someone who’s actually done something wrong to me. 

Ever since my twin sister moved in with me this summer, I’ve been more aware of how I apologize to people i care about. We both have unresolved issues with people who have hurt us and never apologized. As identical twins and best friends who live together during difficult times, we often argue and fight, but we also apologize and forgive.

Here are some great resources about how to say, “I’m sorry” both personally and professionally. And, of course, I also have a “I’m sorry” playlist. :) 
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​You're apologizing all wrong. Here's how to say sorry the right way. (NPR)
  1. Drop your defenses.
  2. Be real.
  3. No ifs or buts.
  4. Less is more.
  5. Stay focused.
  6. A good apology is a beginning, not an end..
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5 Steps to a Sincere Apology
  1. Name what you did wrong. 
  2. Use empathy. 
  3. Make it all about you.
  4. Keep explanations brief.
  5. Let it go.
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How to Craft the Perfect Work Apology
  1. Acknowledge what happened.
  2. Admit your mistake, but don't focus on your initial intentions.
  3. Focus on what you learned.
  4. ​Suggest a plan or solution.
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How to Apologize Sincerely and Effectively
  • Acknowledge that you were wrong
  • Discuss what is allowed and not allowed in your relationship
  • Express your regret and remorse
  • Learn from your mistakes and find new ways of dealing with difficult situations
  • Open up a line of communication with the other person

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    @leahcville

    1/2 of  @TwinsRun
    Wife of @SportingKyd
    Mom of 2 with James Joyce inspired names
    Director of @RivannaMarathon
    Writer at @agoodgroup
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  • Home
  • Resume
    • Overview
    • Design Portfolio
    • Download Resume PDF
    • LinkedIn
    • References
  • Design Portfolio
  • Blog
  • Creative Writing
    • Transitional Objects
    • Excuse Bad Writing
    • The Daily Collegian
    • Engaged in an "Epizzle"
    • Annotated Bibliography of "Araby"
  • Advocacy
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  • Social Media
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    • Twitter
    • Instagram
    • Twins Run in Our Family
    • In the News