THE MISSING STEP

I've ruminated about this HOA debacle for days now and I see a clear path for how one simple email could have changed everything. 

If I had been alerted by the manager after the first complaint, whenever that was (I was denied access to that or any other detailed information), we could have started a conversation.

That conversation would have helped build community and develop shared standards rather than create confusion and hurt feelings. 

Or, even after compiling multiple complaints, the manager could have acknowledged that the timing (September 9) and the lack of a written rule gave me some leeway to leave the skeletons up until November 1. 

Neither of those options happened. And the amount of stress this has caused me and my family was completely avoidable.

The irony is that I ultimately reached that compromise myself. Regardless of what policy the Board adopts, I have decided the skeletons will come inside on November 1. I enjoyed dressing them for the winter holidays, but I am willing to give that up to be a good neighbor. That is precisely why the way this was handled feels so unnecessary.

What could have happened: 

1. Acknowledge there was no existing seasonal-decoration policy before treating it as a violation.
   Something like: a concern has been raised; the documents don’t currently define how long seasonal decorations may remain; because Halloween season is approaching, the skeletons can remain through October, but please remove them by November 1 while the Board considers a clearer policy.
2. Contact me after the first complaint rather than accumulating complaints.
   This is important. An early, low-stakes message could have been a conversation. Waiting until there was “more than one” complaint made it feel like a case had been building against me and contributed to the ultimatum/enforcement tone.
3. Ask for voluntary cooperation before issuing a directive.
   ​There’s a major difference between: “A neighbor raised a concern—would you be willing to…” and “Remove them.” That difference matters even more when the policy itself didn’t exist. For something aesthetic and non-dangerous, the management role could have been to de-escalate: “There are different preferences in the community; let’s see whether there is a reasonable accommodation.”
4. Avoid calling removable exterior decorations a “permanent improvement.” 
   That terminology seems to have made the situation substantially more confusing. When I was a Board member in 2023 and had to approve ARBs, I was told “permanent visible changes” were things like decks, fences, doors, shutters, and similar architectural changes. Not decorations. 
5. Recognize the timing.
   A September 9 demand to remove skeletons—when they could presumably return weeks later for Halloween—was understandably going to seem arbitrary. Even if the Board ultimately wanted a seasonal limit, a November 1 removal date would have been far more logical.
6. Give me an opportunity to respond before escalating.
   A simple exchange—“Here’s the concern; is there context we should know?”—could have revealed immediately that the skeletons were intentionally changed throughout the year rather than abandoned Halloween decorations.
7. Use neutral language rather than presenting a subjective aesthetic judgment as settled fact.
   “A resident has expressed concern about the year-round display” is very different from declaring that something is inappropriate, excessive, or outside “common sense” without an adopted standard defining those terms.​
8. If a new policy was needed, develop it prospectively rather than effectively creating one through enforcement.
   Define seasonal decorations, temporary decorations, permanent improvements, duration, size, placement, etc.; notify everyone; then enforce the same standard going forward.​

I know I am an intense and action-oriented person. When I am upset, my coping mechanism is deliverables. I understand that receiving a lot of emails can be frustrating. But I also believe this entire dispute had been only two messages:

1. a reasonable message asking for cooperation, and
2. me agreeing to adjust my seasonal decorating and offering to help develop a clear policy.

 
Last year, I asked him for a live conversation to discuss some concerns and was told that written communication was preferred. At this point, I am asking for both: a civil conversation about the path forward and a clear written policy. Whatever the Board adopts, I will follow it. 

The path we got:
Complaint(s) → directive to remove → unclear justification → much larger dispute over what the rules actually mean.

A better path:
Complaint → early conversation → acknowledge no clear rule → reasonable temporary compromise → Board develops a neighborhood-wide policy.

I’m ready to talk. Is anyone else?

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AN ALTERNATIVE APPROACH

And because criticism is only useful if it points toward a better process, here is the email I wish I had received.

Leah,

I wanted to reach out because I’ve received a concern about the skeleton decorations at 1872 Verona Drive and how long they have been displayed.

The Association does not currently have a specific written policy defining seasonal decorations, how long they may remain outside, or whether removable decorations like these fall under the architectural-review process. Given that Halloween is approaching, it would not make sense to ask you to remove the skeletons now only to potentially put them back out again in a few weeks. Would you be willing to remove them by November 1?

In the meantime, I’d like to bring the broader issue to the Board so we can establish clearer guidelines for seasonal and other exterior decorations going forward. That way, everyone in the neighborhood will know what is and is not permitted rather than trying to interpret a rule that does not specifically address this situation.

I also wanted to mention that earlier this year I noticed part of the display blowing toward the roadway or neighboring property. Please make sure anything outside is secured and remains within your property.
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If there is context about the decorations that I’m missing, or if you’d like to discuss this before the Board considers it, please let me know.