#throwback (unknown date … 1996?)
"It's a fine thing to be able to write a story; an exciting way to live." Andy Hoffman (my writing teacher commenting on my first short story) How do I define myself as a writer? I've grappled with this question for the past five years, asking myself initially (more importantly?), Am I writer? Or, is it something I merely aspire to be? Sometimes I feel like I'm not - I haven't read enough or written enough. enough that's good ...enough that's entirely made up. I write too much about myself or people I know... stories so real they're fake, a fiction fraud. A friend, imagining me teaching a writing class, jokingly said, "Leah's Guide to Creative Writing: Hang out with people who say clever things and take good notes.” Is being a writer a state of being or must I create product? Achieve success? (I mentally list my stories: Fortune Teller Fish, Kamikaze Butterfly, Scars, Proof, The Sandal Dilemma -- DONE; Picture Yourself, Mary Elizabeth, Distance, The Interview, Role Model - IN PROGRESS; and visualize promising, hand-written rejection notes from Story and Seventeen). Can writer-status be self-proclaimed [imagine something like that person standing with the sign, "I am an artist," except the person holds a pen with the inscription, “I am a writer"], or must it be earned, like a degree? Or, are writers determined by critics, by time? My stories have been a combination of imagination, prediction, and life description. In my first story, I wrote characters who were people I wanted to be, wanted to know. But then I started writing about things that happened to me. Issues I was struggling with or those affecting friends and family. Recently, I've had my phase of angst - chronicling tales of obsessive thinking and family psyche. Not necessarily because I had nothing else to say, but because that's what I needed to write at the time. Now, I wonder if my strongest stories are the ones inspired around me instead of inside me or those I've yet to write. "The voice is the triumph of the story." My stories are more about voice, less about plot. More than once my work has met with the criticism: "But nothing happens." Something to work on ... DEADLINES. I need them. I thrive on them. I fear I'll fail without them. Every finished story (and most of the works-in-progress) was a product of workshops. Without a class to prompt me, I've gone years without finishing anything. Does this make me a non-practicing writer (like my absence from church makes me a non-practicing Catholic)? CRITICISM. I need that, too. Someone to say, "Add this, subtract that." confirm. People-in-the-know who say, "This is good. Publishable." Affirm, (Something I might not believe if it's only my opinion.) How do I define myself as a writer? It's not so much dependent on what I've done so far, but what I want ... what I need to do. Read more (every day). Write more (every day). Take risks. Be bold. And, make things up. It’s interesting to find out which Peter Gabriel songs fans love the most! Top faves include:
I’ve walked by this particular office often in the past 5 years, but for the first time since February 19, 2018 I opened the door. I handed three manila envelopes to the receptionist who looked at the names and said, “Ok.” I thanked her and left. Wow, that was sort of a letdown. I had anticipated being asked to leave my name and birthdate as was required when I dropped off the first letter at another office in the practice. As I walked from one location to the other, I mentally prepared myself for a conversation about who I was and why I was there. I almost wanted to be questioned so I could show the raw emotions that lead me to write the ChatGPT enhanced letter sealed in those envelopes. I have a tendency to see “SIGNS” …. in Wordle boards, chance encounters, the song that pops up on shuffle. One particular sign that has been bothering me since July 2023 was the name of my former therapist on the door of his old office building. His license expired 6/30/2023. Hurray! No one else will be hurt by this predator. From the unethical referral to the “special” treatment that created an unhealthy dependency, all the red flags that were rationalized due to fear and desperation. In the barrage of appointments, I was not the only witness to the sarcasm, the anger, the threats. My story was another woman’s story and probably dozens more that I’ll never hear. I’m neurotic. That much is obvious. But I’m also equally psychological and analytical; driven to understand, then to act. It’s almost automatic for me to do something to alleviate the incessant rumination and physical discomfort I experience while identifying injustice and recognizing pain, my own or others. No choice but action. I need to make a difference, an impact, or at least try. I wrote a letter to let go of the burden, to expose the truth. See something, say something. I want this sign to be removed, but I suspect it’s still there because of a legal contract. If anything, it’s another sign that he had no intention of ever ending his career willingly. He thought this complaint would go nowhere like all of the others, but he was wrong. The story he told his last remaining clients was that he was retiring. He left out the real reason why. He let his license expire to avoid disciplinary action. He didn’t want to endure the humiliation of going into therapy himself and being supervised like an intern. Maybe he thought the case would just go away if he appealed and let the license lapse, but I’m here to remind him that the Notice and Consent Order on the VDHP website will be available for 50 years, a lot longer than his name on a door. Today, the first episode of a new podcast, Psycho-Therapy is available and I believe it’ll be a valuable resource for victims of therapy harm. I’m so impressed that someone who was deeply hurt by an inappropriate therapeutic relationship is willing to take action to help others. It’s through community and connection that we can find healing. Change happens with sharing stories and listening. Thank you to everyone who is brave enough to be vulnerable and honest. I hope to share lessons learned from my “success” story in filing a complaint against a psychologist by giving advice to those who are considering this option. The odds are n’ot in favor of the sources. In Virginia, only 6% of the cases received by the Psychology Board that advance past the probable cause review are closed with a violation and disciplinary action. This statistic helps me realize just how rare it is to get accountability or acknowledgment of harm caused. In the past 20 years, only 11 psychologists in Charlottesville have been subject to suspension, probation, or reprimand. Just two surrendered their licenses and 6 currently have valid licenses, Filing a complaint isn’t necessarily the best choice depending on your circumstances, but can be one part of the healing process. It’s also important for me to create additional resources to help other victims in their recovery and to warn others about potential red flags in therapy. |
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